Ten years after Lucille Ball's death, friends and family still marvel at the secret sadness that surrounded America's favorite redhead.

The I Love Lucy star was apparently so broken up by her 1960 divorce from former co-star Desi Arnaz that she couldn't even look at him on reruns of their popular sitcom, cousin Cleo Smith tells Talk magazine.

Lucy's second husband, the late Gary Morton, once told pal Paula Stewart that the famous funny girl never got over her love for Desi. "After she died, [Gary] said to me, 'I guess she's happy now; she's with Desi,'&nbsp" says Stewart.

"I grew up watching two gigantic stars have all the fame there is, all the money they needed, and they still weren't happy," adds daughter Lucie Arnaz. "They had the best life ever, according to what people think. And yet my father was still an alcoholic. My mother was very angry all the time. She was not a peaceful person."

Lucie remembers once making the mistake of telling her difficult mom that she was seeing a therapist. "She wigged out," recalls Arnaz. "I ended up having to pack up my kids, leave Palm Springs. It was a nightmare. We didn't speak for weeks and weeks.

"She wasn't able to really be open, close, intimate with a lot of people," she adds. "That was a negative ? for her and for what we lost as a family."