Lost
To my mind, this recap episode reinvigorates the whole Atlantis theory, with the cable running out of the water, the hatch that seems buried underground and the fact that Ethan was able to attack people without alerting the jungle watch. Not to mention that whole "Beyond the Sea" song... there has to be something there. If not, I've got nothin' and I'm back to square one, along with the new viewers for whom this episode was designed. Was this the first time that any of you watched this show? If so, please write in and let me know if this helped you, because as someone who has seen every episode multiple times, I thought it might have been a little overwhelming for a newcomer. Personally, I liked the tactic they took with the editing, with no backstories; basically they just gave you the secrets that the people who crash-landed know, too. That must be how the other 30-some-odd survivors feel when they see the good doctor and friends running around. They did manage to refresh my memory about a few things, like how sweetly fragile Kate seemed when Jack asked her to stitch up his side, and how appropriate it was that Jin was around to help deliver Claire's kid because it was his seafood surprise that kick-started a little prenatal action after the crash. They also brought up the mysterious monster that has apparently been hibernating for a while. You just know that thing is gonna wake up soon. But even all the recap-y goodness can't make up for the lack of a new episode. I can't wait for next week, because if I don't get some juicy new Lost story lines into my system soon, I might dehydrate. — Angel Cohn

Smallville
OK, Chloe fans, this one's for you. I have no idea what her comic-book destiny is, but it's becoming quite clear that she and Clark are never gonna be more than just friends. I even took one reader's claims of the anti-Chloe abuses being committed against our favorite Torch reporter to exec producer Al Gough and even he agreed that she's pretty much guaranteed to always get the shaft. And he's right! The poor kid was prom queen and still couldn't score a dance with her Crush of Steel. It's really a sin, because she would make a totally hot sidekick for Clark once he grows into his cape and boots, you know? The way she had his back after that creepy dude from Mean Girls erased his memory, it was so obvious that Miss Sullivan is the only one — outside of the Kent family tree, of course — who can be trusted with his secret. And warning him about Lex just by whispering to his superhearing? Girl's good, I tell ya! She's like Veronica Mars with better ratings. I'm actually surprised she wasn't the one to figure out that creepy Mean Girls dude's dad was the one who mutated him into thinking he killed his brother. Though having Clark help the kid put the pieces together was a smart move on the writers' part, since it gave us that great moment where everyone realized that farm boy was packing some serious powers during the lab explosion. Very cool. Now we know what it would be like if the truth was out there. Thankfully, the Freak of the Week was able to zap Lois, Chloe and the sheriff into forgetting what they saw before word got back to Lana that her soon-to-be-ex-ex was more than just tall, dark and carved-out-of-flannel hotness. Now, if only there was someone who could make me forget the horror that just became... — Damian J. Holbrook

American Idol
That's it. I'm done. I don't care who wins now. Honestly, I think I'm gonna be ill. If Constantine can get the boot before He Who Shall Not Be Named, there's evidently either the Dark Arts or flat-out blackmail at play here. Did any of you even watch last night? With the sound on? The guy who should have been sent home stank so bad, even Paula had a hard time finding something to say. And bless her goofy, sympathy-reflexive heart, those tears tonight were all too real. Not to mention warranted. No. It's not supposed to be like this. The final five is ruined. The apocalypse is nigh! And poor Con. He was so damn entertaining. Fine, he wasn't the best vocalist, but he was fun and cute and could bring it. Far more than... ugh. You know what, that's it. You people voting for phone-throwing crud can have him. Complete with that inexplicable gangsta accent and heinous facial hair-trosity. Seriously, dude. You're from Shaker Heights, OK? Let it go. Better yet, just go. — Damian J. Holbrook

(Can't get enough American Idol? Watch Kimberly Caldwell and Rosanna Tavarez dish about the music on Idol Chat, Thursdays at 8 pm/ET on TV Guide Channel. Catch a video preview of the show here.)

Alias
Ah, very nice twist. Each season, the Derevko family gets a little more dysfunctional. Sophia (Sonia Braga) is actually Elena, Irina and Katya's long-lost bizarro sister who happens to be an especially cruel and effective ex-KGB assassin. Didn't anyone in this family want to own a flower shop or something? Grandma and Grandpa Derevko must've been quite the loving parents. I'll be honest, I've been feeling a little lukewarm about this season — until now. Because you know there's gonna be a serious showdown of slightly older exotic beauties coming real soon.

The funny thing is, until that shocking revelation, this episode was all Carl Lumbly. His riff on your typical huckster hacker was pretty damn cool. He actually made me forget superpensive Dixon for a moment or so. (I also forgot that Lumbly used to be on Cagney & Lacey as well, but somehow that seems less relevant.) And that scene where he had to blow away his fellow agent? You could just feel his insides being torn up. Here he was, after condemning his old friend for the same reason, having to make an even more personal sacrifice for the "greater good."

Jack, you poor, sick bastard. But c'mon, didn't your mother ever tell you not to pick at something like that disgusting thing you have on your hand? Bleh. — Danny Spiegel

Revelations
Why "waste" a half-billion dollars to repair a space telescope, asks Prof. John Rhys-Davies, whose character name I can't remember and whose purpose, aside from serving as an ultra-grim Greek chorus, I can't divine (no pun intended). Wow. Just 10 seconds in and they're already spanking scientists. That's gotta be a Reve-record.

A few minutes later and Hawk's being set up for his kidnapping while doing things he shouldn't online. Of course. Computers. The Internet. You know who uses those things, don't you? Scientists. While I'm thinking of it, though, what's Satanic leader Isaiah got against his index finger, anyway? Lopping it off, letting it grow back and then chomping it off again is kinda pointless, don't you think? (Oh, I'm shameless.) Back to Hawk, whose adolescent desires lead him to a fate worse than hairy palms — hanging out with Fred Durst. You know who used to listen to Limp Bizkit, don't you? No, not scientists. Dumb suburban kids who didn't know any better. Evil. Now Massey and Sister Jo are being threatened by a black sedan that keeps trying to run them down. Why don't the thugs inside it ever hop out to chase them down on foot? That's a clue right there: They're from L.A.

Anyway, Fred Durst sends Hawk's mom a rhyming ransom note. And it's his best work since demolishing — wait a minute — "Faith." Then there's Isaiah, who, in his trance, looks through comatose Olivia's eyes and spots some crucial info: "Sisters of Mercy," embroidered into one of the nun's habits. Not a problem, I say. It's been so long since that band's had a hit — I think we'd have to go back nearly 20 years to "Lucretia My Reflection" — I doubt even Fred can track them down. — Michael Peck

Channel Surfing
It's out of Africa, America's Next Top Model-style. But even though Brittany won the animal posing contest, she seemed bugged out by her winning prize. FYI: Aloof doesn't have anything to do with those scrubby loofah brushes. But it was terrifying to watch Janice nearly molest Tyra, thank god that the producers were able to blur out the fearsome supermodel's bared bottom... Wonder if UPN's promos of the Kevin Hill cast sitting around watching ANTM were enough to help the show's uphill ratings battle. Guessing no as more people probably know about poor Constantine's ouster than what Taye Diggs and Co. got up to last night.