Lost
Aaiight. I'm picking up the religious hints this one is putting down. The "Adam and Eve" corpses found in Jack's cave. Locke's confession of faith to Charlie. Jin's redeeming himself with that romantic flower gesture before Sun could ditch him at the airport. Nice. OK, so now we're getting somewhere. Is this the Garden of Eden? Could be. Locke did tell Charlie that the island would give him what he wanted as long as he was willing to give it something back. Granted, I'm not sure what the island needs with a baggie of smack, but like Jack reminded Kate, there was a polar bear on the loose just a few days ago. Obviously, anything goes here. The only thing that's not clear is why the folks who chose to stay camped on the beach didn't realize that the cave is far cooler and that if a rescue plane does pass over, all that plane wreckage may tip them off to maybe something going on down below. The heat must be getting to them.

World Series Game 4
Yes, Gretchen Wilson has a banging voice. And boy, did she knock the National Anthem out of the ballpark. But is it too much to ask that she ditch the league-night couture for something a bit more stylish? This is the fall classic, after all.

America's Next Top Model
8:09 What the hell is Ann's head?
8:10 Seconds after denying her eating disorder, Cassie makes lo-carb brownies. Honey, that's not a disorder. That's a disgrace. Lo-carb brownies? Ugh. No wonder the girl throws up!
8:19 That boot-camp workout almost makes up for having to skip the gym tonight. Almost. Hmm. Where did I put those lo-carb brownies?
8:26 Oh look, honey. Models roaming Greenwich Village. That's not something you see every day. Oh wait. Yes it is! Zzzzzzzz
8:37 Well hello, Kelle's boobs. Maybe someone should have put a little more thought into pouring Miss Thang into a strapless dress before the trampoline photo shoot. This isn't the Super Bowl, you know.
8:38 Well, that Amanda gives good jump, now doesn't she? On the trampoline, you potty-minds!
8:45 Oh my god, Tyra's hair is bigger than mine today! Actually, it's bigger than me.
8:56 And Kelle is outta here! Ann, your days are numbered. Might as well start crying now.

World Series Game 4
Whoo hoo! Nixon's third-inning rocket into deep right field brings two more Sox home, bringing us to 3-0 and the crowd to a resounding "boo." Marquis, you might want to start your crying now, too.

The Bachelor
So the promos have been shouting for a week that this was going to "LIVE. UP. TO. EVERY. WORD" and now I'm hurling out some words nobody should expect to live up to. Or hear. Are you kidding me? Jayne's overhyped "breakdown" was nothing! All she did was curse out Cindy and then go cuddle with Byron. Big whoop. Maybe ABC should have pressed the fact that Byron averaged a make out session every six minutes during the first half-hour? Or that it was two-for-one wack job night at the Rose Ceremony? That's right. Jayne, Andrea, it's time to leave. Now go take your meds. You'll be OK.

World Series Game 4
Still 3-nothing, Boston. I am so watching history in the making.

Center of the Universe
Am I high?! Because I swear Emmy-winner Ed Asner just groped Oscar-owner Olympia Dukakis. Who then asked the Golden Globed John Goodman to "cup a cheek" while a second Emmy winner, Jean Smart, looked on. So either there's something funky in these lo-carb brownies or ya'll need to give back those statues. I mean, seriously, Lou Grant making Viagra jokes is not the best way to launch what wants to be an Everybody Loves Raymond redux but will probably be nothing more than a footnote on some soon-to-be axed exec's resume. No wonder CBS kept pre-empting this one. On a more serious note, something needs to be done about Goodman. The guy is a cheeseburger away from becoming a USA Today headline, and he's just too good to have this steaming pile of sitcom and Father of the Pride as his final legacy.

World Series Game 4
Check it out. The cameras just shot to my friend John rooting for the Cards. Which is weird, since they're still losing three-zip and he's supposed to be on the run from the law. Don't ask.

Drawn Together
It's funny how "good on paper" comes to mind with this animated reality-show spoof. Maybe that's because the cartoon characters sharing a Big Brother-ish pad all seem so... flat. I mean, I get it. Binge drinking, cutters, flatulence, all courtesy of pseudo-SpongeBobs, Betty Boops and one ghetto-fab Josie and the Pussycats exile. It should be a hoot. But really, ripping on two-dimensional sluts, sociopaths and closet cases is kind of pointless now, since God has given us The Real World's heinous Sarah, The Apprentice's Jen. C. and half the guys on Manhunt to make us laugh, you know?

World Series Game 4
Now that is what I'm talking about! 86 years and the Red Sox curse is reversed in a clean sweep. This is so cool — and I'm from Philly. You guys led from first-batter on and didn't let up. So go, hug your wives, greet your fans and know that, on October 27, 2004, you proved to us all that nothing is impossible. Nice work.