Steve Carell, <EM>The Office</EM> Steve Carell, The Office
Live Golden Globes Coverage
6:01 pm/ET
 OK, OK, I know. I've missed you, too. But here we are, back together and set for a night of take-out Chinese, Pepito the Wonder Chihuahua and... oh, god, who knows what else. Especially since it all begins with...

Joan and Melissa Live at the Golden Globes
6:02 A blazer, Joanie? Really?
6:03 "Humpback Mountain." Haven't heard that one a million times yet.
6:04 Joan is "stone-cold sober"! Who cares if she can say Nip/Tuck correctly? Mama is off the juice. We're doomed!
6:05 Eww. All these jokes about turkey-basters and Joan being pregnant... cripes, I think I need a drink now.

E! Live at the Golden Globes
6:07 Oh my god, Isaac Mizrahi already has Sandra Oh, and Joan is back at the TV Guide mother ship listing her New Year's resolutions. Nice job, folks.
6:08 What is Teri Hatcher wearing? And why doesn't it have a back? Women in their '60s should really cover up, you know?
6:10 Anne Hathaway is gorgeous.
6:11 Ryan Seacrest not so much.
6:12 Anne and Isaac speaking over Ryan, however, is delicious. Star Jones would never have done that, Ry. Of course, that's because Miss Thang from Another Planet never shut the hell up.

Joan and Melissa Live at the Golden Globes
6:14 Lovely. Melissa just cut off the always-classy Tom O'Neil from Goldderby.com just because Grey's Anatomy's Isaiah Washington...
6:15 Shut up! That man is fine.
6:16 Jane Seymour either has a portrait of herself aging somewhere at home, or the woman lives a very good life. Hubba.
6:17 Back to Joan... and Housewives creator Marc Cherry with Doug Savant. Nice to see the boys representing. Now get on those writers, Cherry. This season sucks.

E! Live at the Golden Globes
6:18 Ooohhh, Virginia Madsen.
6:18 Ooohhh, James Denton.
6:19 Aaagghhhh!!! Debbie Matenopoulos!
6:20 I love how E! is using "Fashion Flashbacks" to fill in the celeb blanks. Gives us a chance to see Scarlett Johansson with a bad perm and gives Seacrest leeway to talk about the newly blonded Alanis Morissette's "foils." Yeah, he is soooo straight.

Joan and Melissa Live at the Golden Globes
6:24 Melissa's first fishbowl question of the night goes to Prison Break's Sarah Wayne Callies: "Who would make the best girlfriend: Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton?" Well, duh. That's easy. Whichever one scores the best dope, can stay under 74 pounds and has a screwed-up family life.
6:25 Wow, I think Joan really may be on the wagon. She just correctly ID'd Eric Bana from Munich and asked him a semiprobing question about the controversy. I'm a little horrified.
6:27 Publicist Watch 2006! ABC's PR guru Kevin Brockman just popped up in the crowd, sporting a set of cheekbones that may not be legal in many states. Damn you, Brockman!
6:32 Melissa has Dominic Purcell (and his massive neck) doing another one of those dumbass fishbowl questions. Let it go, Missy.
6:33 Holy Amazon! Camryn Manheim is like 40 feet taller than Joan, and I'm scared.

E! Live at the Golden Globes
6:36 As much as I love Isaac Mizrahi, he needs to step away from the Eva Longoria. Oh wait, never mind  he's not a Mexican cop.
6:44 Poor Jason Lee, stuck with that damn mustache during awards season.
6:46 Loving Natalie Portman's pixie 'do. Although she still owes me $10 for that piece of Sith she was in last summer.
6:47 So Seacrest gets stuck in a little circle at the top of the screen and La Miz gets Patrick Dempsey? How does that work? And why was it such big news that the frost-tipped one was joining the E! team?
6:48 And now Isaac's got Clooney? Is George a closet Target shopper or something?
6:50 OK, someone call security. Jenny McCarthy has crashed the carpet. Or can just anyone go to this show?

Joan and Melissa Live at the Golden Globes
6:52 Is it me or is Randy Quaid kind of creepy? But his wife is wearing Hermès and Fred Leighton, so we'll give him a break.
6:53 Oh, great, it's Teri Hatcher. Nice to see that a certain non-Housewives publicist who shall remain nameless and dead to me isn't shushing away Joan like she did to a certain TV Guide journalist last summer.
6:54 Oh, give it a break, Hatcher. We all know you couldn't get a date two years ago. We also know that Marcia Cross deserves every trophy you've been handed since then, too.

E! Live at the Golden Globes
6:58 Ludacris is "draped in Ralph Lauren." And cooler than the back of my pillow, ya hear?
6:59 Huh. Zach Braff won't talk about his relationship with Mandy Moore but is fine with discussing the fact that ABC is interested in stealing Scrubs. Guess we know where the love is, huh.
7:00 Is there anyone who hasn't seen Megan Mullally's boobs yet? Because those bad girls are hanging out like the red carpet is a bus stop.
7:01 Keira Knightley. Is there anything else to say?
7:02 Other than, "Well done, God."
7:03 I seriously fear that Melanie Griffith is melting.

Joan and Melissa Live at the Golden Globes
7:05 What is it, like 30 minutes after E!, and Dempsey's finally showing up to talk to Missy. And all she wants to know is whether he's wearing studs. Please, woman. Ask him why he hasn't called my colleagues Vicky and Tracy. Or Melanie. Or Jessica. And that strange woman on the second floor with the thematic sweaters.
7:07 OK, either brown is the new black, or my color tube is shot again. Rachel Weisz's Donna Karan frock is mud at its finest.
7:08 Where is Missy staged, the coatroom? Girlfriend just got the Earl boys.

E! Live at the Golden Globes
7:10 When I grow up, I want to live next to William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman. Just so I can say that my neighbors are huge partiers. 'Cause you know they are.
7:12 And awww, special time. Felicity seems so jazzed to see the approaching Marcia Cross. "Look, there's Marcia. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia." I didn't know Harry Winston did sarcasm, too.
7:17 Mizrahi is working it like he owes us one. Now he's charming Jessica Alba, who, by the way, makes it move, OK? And there ain't too many girls on that list, you know?
7:18 How sad is this? They just threw up a split screen of Gwyneth and Pammy Anderson, and the Baywatcher looks banging compared to the silliness that Paltrow is pulling down the carpet. Fool looks like a Doll of the World on black-market mood stabilizers.

Joan and Melissa Live at the Golden Globes
7:25 Let's talk about George Clooney for a second. Never been a huge fan, but sweet Jesus, he's charming. And thank heavens. Because if anyone else introduced their producing partner as "my lover Grant," that freak who banned Brokeback in Utah would be storming the theater with his torch-bearing Mormon kin.
7:28 Hello, Jeremy Piven. Melissa just called him "tone on tone," and I just want to call him.

E! Live at the Golden Globes
7:31 Ewww. That thing on Johnny Depp's face is so... dirty.
7:32 Awww. That husband on Hilary Swank's arm is so... missing.
7:33 Ahhh. Queen Latifah is so... Latifahtastic! But what's with this "I am secretly married, I'm a secret lover" yammer? And why is Isaac asking about her underwear?
7:34 Confession? I lovelovelove Reese Witherspoon. But she needs to be careful about getting her vintage Chanel so close to Giuliana DePandi's alien head.
7:35 And speaking of massive noggins, Geena Davis' face just tested the limits of my 14-inch TV.
7:37 Despite my editor's undying praise, I just wasn't feelin' Scarlett Johansson. Until tonight in that tomato Valentino.
7:39 Evangeline Lilly is doing something in emerald and me likey.
7:41 OMG! Only Isaac Mizrahi could get away with telling Charlize Theron that she always makes herself look like a scary dyke with no teeth in her movies. I need to hug him.
7:42 Is Ryan Seacrest a Muppet?

Joan and Melissa Live at the Golden Globes
7:43 I don't care how many doctors had a hand in it: Kate Beckinsale is smokin'.
7:44 Well, this is awkward not that Joan is asking Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton about their reunion. It's just... Michael Bolton? Come on. Who's next, Edie? John Tesh? Yanni? Zamfir of the pan flute?
7:45 Someone should have told Miss Johansson that she didn't have to bring her own golden globes. Or at least to keep them a bit more covered.
7:50 Even with 30 seconds of dark screen, Heidi Klum and Seal still look like a million bucks. And that woman just had a kid! Let's hate-love her together.
7:52 Aiiight, I know. Mariah Carey has the sheen of insanity, but Mimi rocks in that Chanel couture and anyone who can say that Karl Lagerfeld designed her dress while they were doing a French TV show together can't be all that cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, right?
7:59 Say good night, Mama Rivers. Well done this year. You, too, Missy. Just keep away from the Mystic Tan, OK? Beige isn't a good look for you.

The Golden Globes
8:03 Lord, deliver me. Why, why, why this Pussycat Dolls rip-off red-carpet ditty? This is why straight people make fun of awards shows, you know?!
8:05 Seriously, stop that song! Pepito the Wonder Chihuahua just looked at me like he'd be happier back at the shelter.
8:06 Oooooh, Latifah. Linking MLK Day to the openings of Glory Road and Last Holiday may be a stretch, but are you gonna argue with a woman who can finally get this party started? 
8:07 Well, now I have to go see Syriana, since Natalie Portman and Adrien Brody just gave George Clooney the statue for supporting actor in a motion picture. Which I guess beats having to go see the nightmare that became The Producers, huh?
8:08 Who is Jack Abramoff? And why did his parents do that to him?
8:11 What?! Rachel Weisz just won supporting actress in a motion picture and Michelle Williams is still at her table? Ohhh, wait. Rachel's a foreigner. And this thing is all about the Hollywood Foreign Press. I see. They don't understand how far it is between Dawson's Creek and Brokeback Mountain.
8:13 I think I'll use commercial breaks to pitch other shows worth loving. First, Wildfire on ABC Family. Check it out.
8:19 Thank you for ditching, Paul Newman. Not that you don't deserve the best supporting actor in everything that isn't a movie for Empire Falls, but really, cutting down on speeches this early in the game is the only way I'll get to go out tonight.
8:20 Now this is cute. Hatcher and NuSuperman Brandon Routh are handing out the female version of Newman's kitchen-sink category.
8:21 Say it with me, folks. Sandra Oh totally won with that "Somebody sedate me!" line last year.
8:25 Commercial! Have you seen The L Word this season yet? Soooo good. Turns out it's not just for lesbians anymore.

8:30 What's going on with Drew Barrymore's eyebrows?
8:31 Emmy Rossum is supercute, but the salute to the HFPA? Zzzzzzzz. Even the joke about Philip Berk being the "hunk" of the association was weaker than the film version of The Phantom of the Opera. If you've seen it, you know what I mean. And you have my sympathies.
8:32 Jesse L. Martin and Nicollette Sheridan hand out best actress in a drama TV series to Geena Davis, who promptly repays us by lying about a little girl approaching her on the red carpet with her wish to become president some day. Hey, I guess she wouldn't be the first commander in chief to feed us a line. At least her dress is pretty.
8:35 I should be excited to see Lost's Kate and Deadwood's Swearengen naming the nominees for best actor in a drama TV series, but I am so torn right now. Wenty, Keifer, Foxy? Oh, what the hell, give it to House and let the pretty boys feel what it's like to lose for once. Besides, nobody gives better speech than Hugh Laurie.
8:39 Commercial! OK, South of Nowhere, Fridays on Noggin. Like 90210 for smart people. Promise.

8:44 I hate to say it, but Melanie Griffith pretty much proves my mother right: "That tattoo isn't going to look so cool when you're 80." Damn.
8:45 OK, Warm Springs and Empire Falls bored me. Into the West, I couldn't be bothered with. Lackawanna Blues seems to have been around for three years now; about 11 people saw Viva Blackpool; and Sleeper Cell was more a series than a miniseries. So guess what? Empire Falls winning best miniseries or TV-movie ain't really getting me out of my pants, you know?
8:49 Could William Petersen be happier to have Pam Anderson on his arm? And could I be happier that the best actor in a TV series or comedy just went to Steve Carell for The Office? Hell no! That was supposed to be Zach Braff's: Recount!
8:51 Wait... is Steve Carell cute? Or are these spicy cold noodles getting to me?
8:52 Who else felt there was a Hilary Swank joke begging to be told while Carell delivered his hilarious wife-praising speech?
8:55 Another commercial? Come on, NBC! I don't have that many other shows to plug. But while we're free to roam about the cabin, you might want to jot down the name Smallville. Thursdays on WB. Bangin' good time this year.
8:57 Thanks, Tim Robbins. Now we all know that Rachel Weisz dies at the beginning of The Constant Gardener. Her flashbacks had better be worth that frickin' statue she stole from Dawson's ex-girlfriend.
9:00 Look: Jamie Foxx is fighting his every fiber not to sing the nominees for best actress in a movie, comedy or musical. Please let it be....
9:01 Reese Witherspoon! I kind of want to kiss her sometimes. Is that weird? Any weirder than say, Ryan Phillipe hitting her when she won, that is? Or that Reese just quoted Mahogany?
9:03 There is a god! Chris Rock rags on Mary-Louise Parker for the underwatched Weeds, but for all of the Desperate Housewives up for the award, who scores best actress in a TV series, comedy or musical? That's right! Light it up, Snoop! And take that, Billy Crudup. You screwing her over is the best thing that ever happened to M.L.P.'s trophy shelf.
9:06 And I'd like to see a Wisterian devote her win to someone like John Spencer. You go, Mary-Lou!

9:10 Commercial break. So let's take this time to mention how uncomfortably addicted I am to One Tree Hill. Have you seen this one? Totally underrated.
9:12 Should I have seen at least one version of Pride & Prejudice yet? Or is that just too girly man?
9:13 Again, the best actor in a miniseries or TV-movie category is a huge pile of "ehhh" for me, although Bill Nighy was splendid in The Girl in the Café. And Empire Falls' Ed Harris is always good. Sadly, I skipped winner Jonathan Rhys Meyers' Elvis mini, since quite honestly, an Irishman playing the King is heresy for the son of a Southerner.
9:16 For real, wasn't Lackawanna Blues up for everything last year? Because I could swear I've already seen S. Epatha Merkerson and her hot flashes win best actress in a miniseries or made-for-TV movie.
9:20 Then again, who cares? Anyone classy enough to thank Halle Berry, Ruben Santiago-Hudson and the cast of Law & Order, on top of the Lackawanna crew, should be given something every season.
9:21 Commercial! I think this one reminds me of how hilarious It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia was last summer. Bless you, FX, for having the guts to renew the live-action South Park set in my 'hood.
9:27 Virginia Madsen looks baked and Harrison Ford looks homeless. Who knew giving Brokeback Mountain the award for best motion-picture screenplay took such a toll?
9:30 Another break? OK, hmmmm... we're loving Bold and the Beautiful. But that's always been the case.
9:35 Oh, and Las Vegas! Love Las Vegas. I remembered that one as soon as I saw Josh Duhamel and Jill Hennessy present best TV series, musical or comedy.
9:36 I had no idea that the voters considered Desperate Housewives a musical, because god knows it's no comedy this season. Unless sucking is funny to these foreign-press types.
9:39 I know one person who cares about best foreign-language film. And he's not here helping me build a bookshelf during the slow parts, so screw him! You, too, Paradise Now!
9:47 I feel bad. Rosario Dawson and Julian McMahon are too cool to get stuck with giving out best score. Especially since it just went to John Williams for Memoirs of a Geisha. Doesn't he have enough of those?!
9:50 Mariah back in the hizzy, handing over best original song to Brokeback. And probably wondering how she can remix it and make a video wearing nothing but a flannel thong and a saddle.
9:51 Did that guy just say "Focus" with the dirtiest accent possible?
9:52 This commercial break is brought to you by Sci Fi's so-cool-it-erases-the-geek-stigma Battlestar Galactica. No shame in that game, kids.

10:34 Should we even believe that this is the last time the cast of Will & Grace will appear together on the Globes stage? Those Raymond people keep showing up, and we were promised that they were gone for good.
10:36 What a surprise: Lost is the best TV series, drama. We knew this. Now, Josh Holloway, could you Google my coworker Tracy Phillips and give the girl a thrill? It's not like she hasn't been writing about your little show like it's her new religion.
10:40 What is this American Dreams movie, and who isn't in it? First it was Mandy Moore, and now Dennis Quaid is up there, making jokes about Brokeback rhyming with "chick flick."
10:40:20 "Hick Flick"?
10:40:39 "Cowlick Flick"?
10:40:47 "On-Him-Like-a-Tick Flick"?
10:42 I know the girls adore him, but Leo DiCaprio still looks like a kid to me. And is he so good that he gets to stay up late for the best-actress-in-a-motion-picture-drama category?
10:43 Join me in a group hug for Felicity Huffman. She is every woman. And apparently, one very good man in Transamerica.
10:48 Yes, she's had a crap week. Still, Hilary Swank scares me with those arms and that man-jaw.
10:49 Well, it's official. Gay is the new black, handicapped and dead when it comes to film prizes. And while Heath Ledger should get something for his amazing Brokeback turn, Philip Seymour Hoffman earned this one. If only by wearing those Boogie Nights getups. And by doing Happiness, which scarred me for life.
10:55 What a better way to end the night than with the elegance that is Denzel?
10:56 Perhaps by awarding the elegance that is Brokeback Mountain. And trust me, all you phobic folks  it's not all gooey-eyed man-on-man horseplay. Go see it. Your ladies will think you have levels, and you might just learn something.
10:58 And if you don't want to listen to me, Larry McMurtry just said that it was a film his mother would be proud of. How can you argue with that sort of thinking?
10:59 Now, if you'll excuse me, I gots some Philly action to get with. Let's have a round of applause for Sabrina Rojas Weiss and Michelle Heller for their unrelenting editing and tolerance for my typos and my terrifying run-on commentary. Goodnight, y'all! Maybe I'll see you at the Oscars!

Click here to see our red-carpet photo gallery.