The WB's almost-all-star Big Brother-meets-Real World hybrid, The Surreal Life, wasn't set up as a competition. However, savvy viewers quickly figured out that the cohabitants had turned the series into a battle royale, the goal of which was to steal the spotlight and extend their 15 minutes of fame. That being the case, who won? As the sleepover sleeper winds up its run tonight at 9 ET, TV Guide Online reviews the goings-on and decides which pseudocelebrity came off the best.
Won points by: Revealing just how tough it was for him to be very young, very rich and very successful. Thanks, man. We needed a good chuckle. Lost points by: Setting back vegetarianism a decade with his hare-brained argument for the cause. Made up our minds by: Talking to his fiancée as if she were a dim-witted model or something. Okay, so she is a model. It still wasn't cool, dude.
Won points by: Serving a "Manny sandwich" on the dance floor of a Sin City nightclub. Lost points by: Balking that he was too venerable a Hollywood veteran to participate in the talent show within the show. Um, did he think he'd signed up for Masterpiece Theater? Made up our minds by: Overusing his contagious guffaw to the point that we began to worry that we might catch it through our TVs.
Won points by: Addressing the death of his daughter with greater dignity than Feldman would have been able to muster up to talk about, say, his bad bleach job. Lost points by: Bleeping going off Ozzy-style not only on the gang's bleeping incompetent Vegas bus driver, but also on the camera crew that kept right on taping him. Made up our minds by: Oh, bleep. See above, ya bleepin' nimrods!
Won points by: Admitting that, like us, when she was told the identities of her roomies, she nearly died laughing. If only the rest of the crew had been in on the joke. Lost points by: Inviting happy camper Lewis to share her deluxe tent instead of fellow Playmate Brande Roderick. Was one Penthouse Forum fantasy too much to ask? Honestly! Made up our minds by: Proving to be far mellower than the audience expected. Heck, in our estimation, she should've handed over her resident bitch crown and sash to Feldman.
Won points by: Gamely performing "When the Saints Go Marching In" on a kazoo before a crowd of bewildered Angelenos. Lost points by: Bailing on Manthey and Roderick's strip-joint outing when an exotic dancer got a little too up-close and personal with his... uh, kazoo. Made up our minds by: Calling a spade a spade in other words, by pegging Feldman a self-made victim. When she's right and she often was boy, is she ever right.
Won points by: Eagerly eating sushi off a hot naked chick. Hey, we'll take sexual tension where we can pretend to find it, folks. Lost points by: Grousing that Manthey's D-list credentials made her unfit to bunk in what was clearly a D-plus-list house. Made up our minds by: Going on and on (and on!) about how she thought Robin Givens would be among her homeys. Earth to Roderick: Not even Givens's realtor is that interested in her living arrangements.
Won points by: Busting a move in a Nevada Fat Burger. For once, fries did come with that shake. Lost points by: Objecting to the use of a pretty girl as a serving platter. Yo, what up? Not only does she keep the food warm, but clean-up is super-mega-fun! Made up our minds by: Forcing faithless Neil to find his religion. We knew the Lord moved in mysterious ways; we just didn't realize that televised peer pressure was one of 'em.
And the winner is... Manthey. So she didn't turn out to be the troublemaking pot-stirrer that we (or, we bet, the producers) had hoped for. The party gal nonetheless seemed to have a good time, and, more importantly, she showed us one. In the end, that's what Life is all about.