Life of Luxury
I can deal with the fact that celebs own $100 million art collections (very highbrow of you, Jack Nicholson), $10 million Italian villas (I'm free next weekend, George Clooney) and $275,000 cars that turn into speedboats (pretty cool, Richard Branson). But a closetful of exotic furs? You should be ashamed of yourself, Patti LaBelle. You robbed several animals of their pelts, and then bragged about how much it cost you. ($100,000 on just one coat? So wrong!) I'll cut short the animal-rights lecture, since I have a funny feeling PETA will soon be tossing red paint your way. Can't you find another way to spend your money? I hear there's a $45,000-a-day private island resort in the Bahamas. You won't need your fur coats there.
I normally don't watch this every week, but I'm tuning in tonight 'cause Amy and Ephram are supposed to do it! Or, as Harold told Andy, "My daughter is about to be deflowered by your son's super-sperm!" Whose father talks like that? And how many, armed with that knowledge, would actually allow their children to spend the night together? At least we see a nervous Amy reading the hilariously titled "Guide to Getting It On" and trying to justify her decision to her best friend (who wants to wait until marriage, natch). "Call it horizontal jogging," Amy tells Hannah, "and suddenly it's no big whoop." Well, not exactly, since she chickens out when she and Ephram are finally alone in the cabin. But when he wipes away her tears and holds her close, something tells me she'll change her mind. Which, of course, she does, surrounded by flowers, candles and a flickering fire. And fathers across America vow to lock up their teenage daughters until they're 30.
Commercial for St. Jude's Children's Hospital
I'm sick of Sarah Jessica Parker prancing around in those overplayed Gap ads. (Though I never get tired of Lenny Kravitz dancing around in those tight Gap jeans. Go figure!) So it's a nice change to see her using her celebrity to support St. Jude's. Sans heavy makeup, done-up hair or fancy threads, SJP makes her pitch surrounded by sick kids. So far, so good. But they're fawning all over her, so the focus is not on the hospital. Not so good. Then apparently one of the kids annoys her a little too much, and she tells the child to "cool it." Really, really, really not good.
Everybody Loves Raymond
Raymond is at its funniest when Ray Romano plays the straight man and hands the laughs to his supporting cast. He's horrified when he catches Debra's divorced parents in bed together, but makes surprisingly few jokes about it. Two senior citizens who can't keep their hands off each other that's funny stuff. But the payoff comes when Amy's parents walk in just in time to see Warren and Lois on the staircase, clad only in bedsheets. "Nothing has freed us to explore our sexuality more than our divorce!" Lois declares. A horrified Pat and Hank turn right back around and leave, proving that the best jokes are sometimes left unsaid.
$25 Million Dollar Hoax
Did I miss something here? What happened to Chrissy's final and most daunting challenge: getting her family to attend the big spin? We go from anger, bitterness and resentment during Chrissy's "intervention" right to excitement, support and cheering as she spins for the $50 mil. Hello? At this point, everyone hates her! How did she manage to pull that one off? You know my theory, that this family is just too good to be true. When the hoax is revealed, instead of being furious, they actually high-five her. Her blubbering father is absolutely the worst. "I'm rich because of my family," he says to the camera, choking back tears, barely able to get the words out. "I saw love, I saw respect, I saw my family grow." Yeah, grow $400,000 wealthier. I'd also cry on cue for that kind of dough.
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Like dorky J.T. could ever take away student-council votes from super-popular Ashley. She knows he's running for class president just to p--- her off, and it works. (Teenagers like to push buttons, now don't they?) She also knows she'll still win, so what's with the major 'tude? I'd vote for the geek instead, just to spite her. This first-year ep makes me miss Ash's shocking Goth transformation in Season 2, complete with all-black clothes, spiky hair, heavy eyeliner and, of course, the requisite brooding. No one would've guessed that Miss President would be the one to trade in her goody-two-shoes for combat boots.