I just watched some West Palm Beach bitch named Sophie boss around her mother, drop the F-bomb like a trucker and threaten her friends, all over a Moulin Rouge-inspired birthday party. If there was any ounce of me that ever wanted to have children, it's now as withered as this demon seed's soul. The worst thing is, even with a $10,000 stylist who had to work around a gut that would look slim on John Goodman, Teenzilla still ended up looking like the hooker version of Dee the sassy sister from What's Happening!! and had absolutely no idea that about 30 seconds after this show aired, she would become a walking target for her formerly terrorized classmates. And just knowing that makes it feel like it's my birthday. So thanks, Soph. I hope you got everything you wanted and deserve.