Last night, WB's marvelously mean-spirited American Idol parody, Superstar USA, crowned Jessica Simpson lookalike Jamie Foss its winner... meaning that she makes Britney Spears sound like Barbra Streisand. Once the buxom blond recovered from learning that her larynx is considered a lethal weapon in every state but denial (and had jokes like that one explained to her), she was ready to meet the press, starting with TV Guide Online. So, are you ready for Jamie? Read on and find out!

TV Guide Online: So, Jamie, now that you know the show made a laughingstock of you, do you even want to do this interview?
Jamie:
Of course I do! I'm very happy with the outcome. Seriously, I do not care at all that it was a joke. This is just, like, an unbelievable experience!

TVGO: Well, okay! Did you start to suspect that you were the victim of a hoax during your duet with runner-up Mario?
Jamie:
When I heard Mario sing, I was kind of like, "Whoa! What is going on here?!" I was thinking he'd be this phenomenal singer, because you know, he didn't really have the image that was, um, you know, kind of... [Struggles to think of a nice way to say Mario's Swan material, then finally blurts out:] I thought he would be kind of like Clay Aiken! So I was kind of asking questions in my head, but then, at the same time, I was like, "Whatever. I'm going to win!" So I just blew it off.

TVGO: And when you finally were clued in, how did you feel? You handled it pretty well, I have to say.
Jamie:
My reaction was definitely fine. I was a little shocked, and there was a kind of frustration. But then I thought about it, and, like, a minute later, I was like, "This has been the time of my life. I would have done it even if I had known it was a joke!" I mean, I got to work with choreographers, I got a makeover, I was in Hollywood for three weeks... It was awesome!

TVGO: So I guess you're still going to do an album, huh?
Jamie:
Yeah, I don't really know what's going on with that. I'd like to get some training and get out maybe a really good album. I don't know what plans [the powers that be have for] the album. No idea! But I don't want people to laugh at me, you know? Kind of like a William Hung thing. When you hear his song on the radio, you just sort of laugh at it. I really would like to be taken seriously, so that's why I'd like to get some training. And you know, recording studios can make anybody sound really good.

TVGO: Oh, we know — we saw Britney's concert. Now, as you watched the show and heard yourself perform, what did you think?
Jamie:
I definitely was kind of shocked. I was, like, "Oh my gosh! Am I really that bad?" But I mean, people have to put [what they heard] in perspective. If you just listen to the quality of the music in the background and the microphones and all that stuff, you'll see that this is not "The Best of Jamie." There is way better than that. I've heard myself sing on tape before, so I know I can do better than what they showed on TV!

TVGO: Hmm. Then why didn't you do better?
Jamie:
Just because we didn't have very much time to practice. When I sing for funerals and weddings, I practice. That's what you do! On the show, you're just sort of thrown on stage with a song you're not familiar with and told to sing it. I tried my hardest, and a lot of times, I sang my song more than once, so maybe they edited in certain things that they hated. [Laughs] I don't know exactly why it sounds so bad, but I know it sounds worse than I usually sing!

TVGO: Do your friends agree with that assessment?
Jamie:
They all thought I could be an American Idol. They've been pushing me to try out. I think my family and my friends took [the reveal] way harder than I did, because they know that I have a lot of talent. Plus, I got a $100,000 recording contract, so it's a pretty good deal for me.

TVGO: But on the down side, you now have a stalker in Judge Briggs, if his lust for you was as sincere as it seemed.
Jamie:
I hope he was honest about it! I don't want him to lie about that! I actually talked to him on the phone last week. We're still cool. I have no hard feelings.

TVGO: So, if you weren't already spoken for, he might stand a chance?
Jamie:
Probably not. No. I think Briggs is a little too old for me.

TVGO: No hard feelings, indeed!