Even in this TiVo age of immediate information retrieval and the YouTube universe, it's impossible to know everything about all shows television. The only way we (and when I say we, I mean me) can tap into the antiquated version of hands-free entertainment is to call upon a higher power for guidance. Obviously, first I grab a TV Guide (duh), and then what would really help is a
. The heart and soul of
! A person who knows the show inside and out. Just a bit short of a stalker.
So for my set visit to the hit daytime show
, a show that has arguably delivered more outrageous story lines and the most memorable TV wedding ever, I enlist the queen of all things
, my niece Brittany. At the tender age of 21 (hold on to that while you can), she is able to exhaustively disseminate the minute details, plot points, characters and hairstyles of Port Charles' most notable residents.
My mini-me acted as a portal into story line, dialogue and who was the hottest guy. With Brit at my side, I would not only interview the soap's cast and creative crew, I would devour the ABC mainstay!
I learned the finer points of the show. Kate Howard's shady past. How a ski mask can hide a number of sins. (Cooper managed to get out of the bank hostage crisis unidentified) and how
, who plays Noah Drake, just happens to meet an identical stranger (named "Eli Love") who happens to be a singer with a concert scheduled who happens to need brain surgery that Noah and his son Patrick happen to perform. But with brain surgery pending, how will Eli perform on stage in front of screaming fans? Not to worry. Instead of canceling the concert (for charity) and letting the kids down, Noah will step in. The gifted surgeon will use his hands and his heart and his amazing previously undiscovered voice to save the day. Come on, that's the kind of stuff only the truest fan could know.
When someone walked down the hall of Prospect Studios in Hollywood (also the home of FX's
), Brit assured me the handsome woman with an apron and feather duster is not part of a salacious love triangle at the Metro Court Hotel, rather she is part of the maintenance crew. Whew! Saved me some embarrassment.
Before my interview with
, aka Carly Corinthos, I was warned how beloved the character is, who had portrayed her previously, and how the little vixen steals husbands and hides secrets.
Way to go, Brit!
I can handle the
interview on my own. Samantha McCall is a
siren, but even bigger than that, she's the hottie who gyrated off with the first disco-ball trophy on
Dancing with the Stars
. I can deal with the pint-size, sassy-footed minx! Kelly's bound to be a bit full of herself and entitled. I've dealt with that before.
. I've interviewed Bruce Willis, Martin Lawrence and Kristin Scott Thomas for goodness' sake.
Only problem, she's adorable and kind and self-deprecating and generous with her time. Kelly, dare I say, is darling. I was quick and I was wrong. Where's Brittany when I need her?
InFANity: General Hospital
on TV Guide Network.