Question: I'd like to offer you a trade: some shiny new Lost scoop in exchange for my grade-A, 100 percent genuine, completely unblemished immortal soul. Whaddaya say?

Answer:

Throw in a pint of Cake Batter-flavored Tasti D-Lite and a $100 gift card to Best Buy and you've got yourself a deal! Just kidding I'm not allowed to accept gifts in exchange for scoop unless you send the gifts to me at home and don't tell anyone. Now, as I bragged informed you in the Ausiello Report, I've already seen tonight's season premiere and you guys are in for a treat of epic proportions. The episode was fraktastic. Damon Lindelof and J.J. Abrams' script was jam-packed with thrills, chills, twists and turns aplenty, and Matthew Fox delivered what, IMHO, was an Emmy-clinching performance. Seriously, the gold statue is his to lose. And while we're at it, let me also extend mad props to the underrated Julie Bowen, who was handed the Herculean task of uttering the single most heartbreaking line of dialogue this TV season and she knocked it outta the park. I have 16 sopping-wet Kleenex to prove it.