A whole week after John Heffron won the coveted Last Comic Standing title, success still hasn't spoiled the manic funnyman. But make no mistake — he's ready for a diva trip! As his tongue-in-cheek interview with TV Guide Online suggests, he could get mighty comfortable sitting in the lap of luxury — provided that a certain competitor isn't around to, ahem, bug him.

TV Guide Online: You're a bundle of energy on stage. Can that possibly be good for the health of someone as laid-back as you are?
John Heffron:
Well, I don't have a lot of time to run or do the Stairmaster, so this is my way of getting my heart rate up for 20 minutes a day.

TVGO: Speaking of things that are good for your heart... Tammy Pescatelli called you "a walking Everybody Loves Raymond." Guess she's guaranteed to be the first LCS alum on your sitcom.
Heffron
: [Laughs] Yeah. Sometimes I get compared [to Ray Romano], but in a bad way. But you know what? I'll take whatever he's making. That's not a bad thing.

TVGO: Not bad at all. What kind of show would you like to do?
Heffron:
I used to have ideas, but by the time I was thinking them, I'd wind up seeing someone else doing it on television. I really don't know right now. I'm more concentrated on making sure my live performances go well. I've got people to figure out what kind of show I should do. Hopefully, something that doesn't suck.

TVGO: You have "people"? How nice for you. And you're also a newlywed, yes?
Heffron:
Yeah, I got married a couple weeks ago.

TVGO: Congratulations... or condolences. Aren't you going to miss doing the single-guy routines?
Heffron:
I haven't really had time to go through my act [to consider what may have to be cut]. I think you just have to change some wording and put it in a different perspective.

TVGO: Is your wife ready for her life to become fodder for your act?
Heffron:
She's okay with that. She knows that's what makes it possible for us to eat.

TVGO: Which of your LCS housemates was the toughest to live with?
Heffron:
I'd say Ant. He really put a lot of pressure on to figure out who you're voting for.

TVGO: So he lied to me! There was no mastermind in the house!
Heffron:
Oh no, [there was]! That was definitely Ant. The guy is a self-promoter. He is our decade's Rip Taylor.

TVGO: If you had to keep living with one housemate, who would you pick?
Heffron: Kathleen Madigan
or Todd Glass.

TVGO: Todd Glass?! His notice-me shtick seems like it would get old fast.
Heffron:
Yeah, but to me, it doesn't. It's like, some people liked Dude, Where's My Car?; others didn't.

TVGO: Sane people, mostly.
Heffron:
I could usually laugh at Todd. Then again, it was between talking to him or talking to Ant, so maybe it was just the company I kept at the time.

TVGO: Ouch. What's next on your agenda?
Heffron:
Tonight I have to clean the apartment because I haven't done it in four months. Maybe do a little laundry, too. That's how I party.

TVGO: C'mon. I know that just means you'll be watching the maid scrub the floors!
Heffron:
[Laughs] Yeah, you got me. It's me and Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore having dinner by the poolhouse.