Growing Up Gotti OK, so... Victoria Gotti's giving a realtor a tour of her super-sized McMansion when she discovers that her boys had a keg at their party in the guest house. "We know what it's like to be a teenager," the realtor says. "I didn't know what it was like to be

that kind of teenager," Gotti replies. Apparently she also doesn't seem to know what's it like to provide parental guidance. I mean, Hello! Underage drinking and Lord knows what else was happening up in there! You'd think with 42 security cameras scanning the grounds she would have gotten a clue. But whatever. I'm more concerned about the way her "angels" talked to her. And the way they treated her blind date. (Who, by the way, must have been insane to go out with an alleged mobster's ex.) If those ill-mannered, metro mob heirs are, as Victoria says, her proudest achievement, then you know what Vicki, you're in trouble. But let me be careful what I say here, lest I have problems "when Daddy gets out."

Casino Oh, so that's what happened to Ms. Sheena Easton! She's struttin' (ah!) around the Golden Nugget.

Burger King Commercial What do you mean "The Angus Diet is not a real diet?" (Just kidding, people. This is just me trying to remind myself that a Whopper is, like, 40 Weight Watchers points.)

For Love or Money 4 1.) I have not heard so much talk about "dollars" and "dates" since the last installment of HBO's Pimps Up, Ho's Down. 2.) Still, I have to admit that Rachel is playing the hell out of this game. As of tonight, when she sent cocky million-dollar man Morgan home, the money mama has successfully ousted all the guys who seemed like they might pick money over her. 3.) Too bad, though, the boys are really playing, too. Although half the time they're more concerned with beating each other than winning over the girl. Ain't that just like the Y chromosome? 4.) OK. Wait a minute. Did Rachel not do the very same thing to Caleb that she sent Josh home for doing two weeks ago? I'm just saying. When Caleb refused to kiss her, that girl did everything but molest the boy. She was off her game on that one. For real. 5.) I bet Morgan cried after he threw that $1 million check into the fire. Come on, Morgan. You can tell me. You dropped a tear, didn't you?

New Toyota Corolla Commercial On the for-real for real, it makes me sad that I instantly recognized the mechanic from West Coast Customs and that every time he said "fixed your bucket" I heard "pimp my ride." Don't I know anything important?

Who Wants to Marry My Dad Look. The producers of this show are about to be on my list. Yeah, I'm talking about you, Bruce Nash. And you, too, Scott and Carrie. About 15 minutes in, Papa Okland told his daughters he wanted them to pick Stacy over Suzanne. Now, as far as I'm concerned the show should have been over by 10:30. The man said what he wanted. What more is there to debate? But, no, they dragged it on for another 40 minutes — just like I'm about to do to this entry. (Times are approximate.) &#149 At 10:22 the women were still making sappy speeches. (Enough already!) &#149 10:38: The girls showed Suzanne the door. "You mean the world to us, Suzanne," one of them said. "But we did not choose you to marry our dad." &#149 10:49: The daughters picked Stacy, who cried, "I'm so unworthy!" &#149 10:51: Papa proposed, saying, "I had found happiness and love in my life again." Then he laid a full-on movie kiss on Stacy. I'm not kidding. He literally hovered over her lips for second to make sure the camera got the shot. It was like Soap-Opera Smooching 101. &#149 10:53: They all did a group hug. Then cut to the video montage, recapping Stacy's highlights in the "family experience." By the way, have you noticed that Stacy often looks like Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmatians? And I'm not saying that to be mean. She's usually gorgeous. But every now and again I could just see her beating a puppy. That's all. &#149 10:54: I fight the urge to puke. &#149 10:55: They show the hover kiss again — as if it didn't just happen two minutes ago. Oh, forget it. It's official. You're on my list, Bruce. I hate you. Unless, that is, you decide to do a show called Who Wants to Date Rochell? Then all will be forgiven.

The Grid Week 3 was too harsh for this girl, seriously. The terrorists killed Raza's cousin Omar. (I knew it!) And they kidnapped and beat the good doctor's sister, Reem. (Later, the secret police killed her.) Heck, even the sexy assassin bit the dust. And is it wrong that I watched him thinking, "That would be my luck. Hot guy gets on the elevator and acts like he's going to talk to me, but then he drops a grenade. Symbolically and literally." Yeah, man. Great. And it's getting late, so I'll end this with wise words from Reem, "Don't confuse revenge for righteousness."