Here is the itinerary for our upcoming collective lives, as delineated by our friends at Fox:

Tuesday, Jan. 16, 8-10 pm/ET: American Idol season premiere, Part 1 - Minneapolis auditions
Wednesday, Jan. 17, 8-10 pm: season premiere, Part 2 - Seattle auditions
Tuesday, Jan. 23: Memphis
Wednesday, Jan. 24: New York City (bring gas mask)
Jan. 30: Birmingham
Jan. 31: San Antonio
Feb. 6: Los Angeles
Feb. 7: "Rest of the Best"
Feb. 9: Paula's first display of decided loopiness
Feb. 13: Hollywood round, Part 1
Feb. 14: Hollywood round, Part 2 - Top 24 semifinalists announced
Feb. 20: Top 12 males perform
Feb. 21: Top 12 females perform
Thursday, Feb. 22, 8 pm: First results show - two male and two female contestants voted off; Simon and Ryan's first "heated"/homoerotic exchange
Feb. 27: Top 10 males sing
Feb. 28: Top 10 females sing
March 1: results show; first excruciating sponsor plug featuring singers
March 3: First contestant's criminal record surfaces at TheSmokingGun.com
March 6: Top 8 males sing
March 7: Top 8 females sing
March 8: results show
March 13: Top 12 finalists sing
March 14: results show - one singer voted off

And so on.