[Spoiler Alert! This story reveals almost many plot points from Thursday's episode of Glee. If you haven't yet watched, avert your eyes now!]
Thursday's episode of Glee didn't just tug at viewers' heartstrings. It yanked them right out! Titled "The Break-Up", the episode lived up to its name to a startling degree when pretty much every couple on the show, even the relatively new coupling of Jake and Kitty, came to crashing halt. Instead of reliving the nitty-gritty detail of the entire episode — we're still a little fragile — we counted down the six most tear-jerking moments from the love massacre of 2012:
6. Mr. Schue goes to Washington...without Emma?
Excuse you, Will? May we remind you of your unsupportive, greedy, shrew of an ex-wife? Because you seem to have forgotten and now you're just blatantly and unapologetically taking sweet, sweet Emma for granted. We're not one to take sides, but it's hard to argue with her stance. "I didn't know you just expected me to drop my entire life. ... I don't want to sit in a hotel room somewhere doing nothing while you're out fulfilling your dreams."
Ratings: 1 tissue
5. Finn and Mr. Schue hug it out
"Can I talk to you about something, Mr. Schue?" Finn asks, before collapsing into his chest for a good cry. (No, that's not a tear! It's called allergies!)
Rating: .5 tissues
4. Blaine performs the most depressing version of "Teenage Dream" at Callbacks
Oh hey, remember when this Katy Perry jam became one of Glee's best-selling singles and got everyone keen on the Warblers? Oh well, too bad, because those memories have all officially been erased and replaced with this truly depressing vision of Blaine pouring his heart out over a piano at a karaoke bar. "This is the song that I sang for the first time that I ever met the love of my life," he says as he intros the song. [Insert awkward sob-induced voice crack here].
Ratings: 1 tissue
3. Blaine and Rachel admit to cheating
Fans knew first-hand that Rachel had strayed for a whole week — also, we know Finn isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but how did he not get suspicious when he saw Brody sitting on Rachel's floor enjoying a candlelit dinner? — so her confession seemed inevitable. But Blaine?! Cheating on Kurt?! And worst, it wasn't just a kiss — it was a hook-up that "didn't mean anything." While Rachel had at least a semi-decent excuse -- her boyfriend refused to talk to her for months -- Blaine had no such protection. "What matters is that I was by myself," he tells Kurt. "I needed you. I needed you around and you weren't there." Who is this Eli guy, anyway?! Kurt looks shell-shocked and says he's been lonely too but didn't cheat because he "knew what it meant." Even that great performance of "Don't Speak" can't silence the tears. RIP, Klaine.
Rating: 2.5 tissues
2. Santana breaks up with Brittany with a Taylor Swift song
Another song, another couple's demise. But Santana's recollection of her days sitting in the back of choir room — "where I could say things with music when words just weren't enough" — and waiting for Brittany to smile at her is heart-melting. She then serenades Brittany with the perfect song, Taylor Swift's "Mine." However, the moment is truly heartbreaking because unlike the other couples, where one person strayed or acted way out of line — we're looking at you, Will — Santana just wants to break up because she knows it's not going to help her or Brittany if they stay together and keep trying to pretend like things are never going to change, when in fact they already have. A lot. "This is not an official break-up," Santana says, even though it totally is. "You know that I will always love you the most." Whoa, Heather Morris' tears are powerful. Pass the Kleenex.
Rating: 3 tissues
1. Rachel is "done" with Finn
Rachel's final speech to Finn is a friggin' doozy. In the same tangent, she is able to praise him again and again, like when she says "this is how a man loves" in reference to his making her go to NYADA and when she tells him "you were the first boy who made me feel loved and sexy and visible," and also break his heart into tiny, teeny pieces. As soon as she says how much she wants him to be her last love, she abruptly changes gears and tells him she can't go it anymore and that they're "done." She tries to make him feel better about being without a girl, a job or general purpose in life, but where the heck does Finn go from here? And is there really hope for these two? Sure, they broke up and got back together many times during their high school days. But, as the theme of this episode points out over and over, this ain't high school anymore, kids. Rachel is busy following her dream, and Finn still needs to find his. The real stomach punch comes when the group Coldplay performance shows flashbacks to each couple's happier times. Wahhhh!
Rating: 4 tissues
What did you think of Glee's big break-up episode? Which split shocked you the most? Which couple do you think will be able to get back together?