Gilmore Girls
How odd! Since Rory (Alexis Bledel) left Stars Hollow for Yale, the allure she holds for the male sex seems to have waned. Last week, a boy in her dorm's laundry room rudely rejected her when she asked him out. This week, a churlish dude was sitting under Rory's favorite tree, where she loves to study, and refused to make room for her! What accounts for this sudden lack of chivalry? Most guys, like Jess and Dean, would fall all over themselves to win this beauty's favor — unless they're gay, which wouldn't exactly be unusual at a progressive school like Yale. The real problem, like I've said, is that Rory should never have gotten that short haircut. Shearing her long, lustrous chestnut locks was like Delilah cutting the heroic Samson's hair in the Bible.

24 I have a confession to make: Before watching this third-season opener, I'd never sat through an episode of

24. Foolish boy that I am, I used to go to the gym for boxing class on Tuesday nights at 9. I'm sorry, but the teacher was way cuter than Kiefer Sutherland. Anyway, now I totally get what all the 24 fuss is about. Can't wait to get the first two seasons on DVD! Now, about this episode...

My TV Guide pals told me Elisha Cuthbert's Kim was an exasperating pain in the arse, and I fully agree. When the show's action picks up, it's three years after Season Two ended. We learn Kim's been dating Jack's new field partner, Chase, for three months. Good move, Kim: James Badge Dale is kinda hot. (Okay, so his nose looks a little too big, but ya know, I think the imperfection only adds to his rugged appeal.) Problem is, Jack is clearly stressed out about the bioterror threat to Los Angeles. Millions of lives are at stake. So why does Jack's daughter insist on jacking him up by dropping her dating bombshell today? Priorities! Kim oughta be spanked for such brattiness.

I'm insta-hooked on 24 for the endless twists and surprises: The president's bro is a shady politico! There's a mole guy inside CTU, spying on everyone with super-surveillance equipment! Salazar the drug lord deftly stabs his own lawyer in the neck with a pen! (Mightier than the sword, indeed.) Putrefied corpses are being dumped everywhere! Best of all, Jack's latest undercover job has turned him into a secret drug addict! Will he shoot up or can he get the monkey off his back? I'll definitely stay tuned to find out...

Rich Girls This new MTV show looks like a cheap rip-off of HBO's far more interesting Born Rich documentary. Am I supposed to care what Tommy Hilfiger's daughter does with the cash Daddy makes from his overpriced off-the-rack preppie gear? Sorry, I don't. Question: What's even more pathetic than nobodies trying to get rich and famous on reality TV? Answer: Rich nobodies like Paris Hilton and her circle, just trying to get famous for lack of better ideas on how to fill their time. And I'm gonna sound like a total geezer here, but I hate the idea of impressionable kids watching MTV and mistaking these goofy chicks for role models. Aim higher, children.

Real World: Paris Speaking of bad examples on MTV, folks like loudmouthed, hot-tubbin' hussy Leah are not who I want representing us across the pond. Aren't Franco-American relations bad enough right now? Why, merci. I'm glad you agree. Click.

NYPD Blue A serial strangler's on the loose — and that fat, hairy suspect in ladies' underwear didn't do it! Well then, who the hell did? By the way, Connie's preggers. I guess that should be good news, except it makes you think of how she got with child. And I just don't like to picture Dennis Franz and Charlotte Ross that way. Or Dennis Franz and anyone that way.