Gilmore Girls The northeastern...

Gilmore Girls
The northeastern United States got hit with the Blizzard of '05 last week, and Lorelai's just begun to "smell snow" in the air. Stars Hollow always takes a little while to catch up with the rest of the world — which I kinda like. Funny how, like the rest of us, it didn't take too long for Lorelai to go from loving snowflakes to viewing them as "Mother Nature's icy 'Screw you, Lorelai Gilmore!'" Now that's reality TV.

By the way, did anyone else think Rory would be perfect casting for the role of Stars Hollow's town tramp — who "gave up her greatest treasure for her country" — in that Revolutionary War-themed historical pageant? Sorry, but she is a home-wrecker, after all. She may've moved on to Logan, but we haven't forgotten Dirty Dean! And as for Rory's dad, Christopher, he should either stay in or out of his kid's life, none of this flip-flopping back and forth.

PS — Did Emily and Richard Gilmore's bonding over the Jack Russell terrier tempt you to check out that website, dogbreed411.com? Geek that I am, I almost always check out URLs mentioned by TV characters. Sadly, unlike that time they gave out Luke's cell phone number, this nugget didn't lead to anything fun. The URL appears to be a dud.

American Idol
If you ask me, Floridian auditioner Lindsey Cardinale is prettier and sings better than Lindsay "Look at My Breasts!" Lohan any day. On the other end of the singing spectrum, Idol gets kudos for finding new and entertaining ways to showcase truly bad crooners. That segment entitled "The Unintelligibles," starring Leroy Wells, was a hoot. He was just in his own little world, speaking his own language, pulling out his "krunked" gold teeth to display them like dentures (yuck!) and getting egged on by Randy the whole way. He's the type Road to Stardom's Missy Elliott would suspect of being on drugs.

I refuse to believe that "peculiar" Daron Beck isn't an aspiring stand-up comic just trying to get exposure by auditioning on Idol. That Edward Scissorhands hairdo and his wacky way of massacring Nina Simone's "I Put a Spell on You" struck me as intentionally funny. Maybe he could open for Carrot Top in Vegas sometime?

And I have to agree with KISS star Gene Simmons — there's a sentence I never imagined I'd write — that Christian Jeffrey Johnson would be better suited to country music. This Dallas preacher guy hasn't a prayer as a sexed-up pop star. Simmons also was right about twins Richard and J.P. — they're too old to do the boy-band thing. They're smarmy and not even that cute, and certainly not worth Paula getting so mad and worked up over! Still, it would be sadistic fun to see the judges split up a pair of twins, picking one and dumping the other — that's a recipe for drama. Tune in for Wednesday's episode...

Scrubs What's up with Colin Farrell's character plugging ABC's Alias as his "favorite show" on an NBC sitcom? If I were a Peacock executive, I'd be handing some candy-ass writer a pink slip right about now. That convoluted tattoo joke (into which the random Alias mention was enfolded) wasn't even funny. Nor were any of Irish Fonzie's other scenes in this episode. What a downer. Some big-name guest spots are fun (ER's Julianna Margulies kicked butt) while others fall flatter than Tara Reid's chest pre-augmentation. First Alexander, now this. Mr. Farrell's coolness stock is plummeting...

The Amazing Race1. I'm so jealous of Freddy and Kendra. (No, not 'cause they both get to see what Freddy looks like naked every night. Get your mind out of the gutter! Sheesh.) It just looked like so much fun riding around on those pachyderms! That tree-climbing challenge looked nifty, too. These folks are living the kind of adventure we all dreamed of as kids playing in the backyard.2. Didja catch Freddy referring to Adam as a "nancy boy"? Aww... That's not nice. I almost don't have the heart to call him My Favorite Martian this week.3. Wrestlers Bolo and Lori had themselves a Jonathan and Victoria moment at the pyramid roadblock, didn't they? Good thing these grapplers didn't get physical — I think Lori could beat Bolo down.

NYPD Blue The way ABC keeps promo-ing "the final six episodes," I had to tune in. John (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) called the murdered businessman's daughter "one of the coldest human beings I've ever met," but c'mon. You knew she turned him on. As for the rich-kid whodunit, it was obvious right away that the maid's kid killed him. (On soaps, the children of servants are always mixing with the boss' kids and having class-conflict drama with them.) And finally, the only thing bigger and more impressive than that Brooklyn pot dealer's secret marijuana garden was Bill Brochtrup's hairdo. Methinks our fave gay squad-room secretary needs to lay off the blow-dryer! Bill, I also don't want to see you in orange ever again. I say this with love. Please, promise me.

Queer Eye for the British Guy The Queer Eye chaps go to London — how refreshing to see Carson and Co. outside New York for a change. In the show's "mid-flight" opener, that airplane cabin they were in sure looked like a fake set to me. But who cares? I was too amused by Carson hinting that he and Thom join the mile-high club in the reclining seats. (How's that for an image?) As for obscure ex-pop star Simon Britton, his Gallagher-meets-Kenny G look required help indeed. My fave part was Graham Norton's cameo when Simon and Carson "ran into" the talk-show host outside Buckingham Palace. (But why couldn't Graham come shopping with them at Harvey Nicks?) In the end, Simon's shorter, edgier haircut was great and the home makeover was too, except for the blindingly busy wallpaper. Thom needs to be spanked for that faux pas — but that's Carson's department, of course.

PS — Do you know anyone who finishes off their guests' drinks whilst cleaning up after company? Here, Simon finished everyone's wine from their glasses. And earlier, on Gilmore Girls, Sookie had to stop a caffeine-craving Lorelai from drinking the Dragonfly Inn patrons' leftover coffee from their cups. Gross! People do this?!