Colie... Oh, Colie. You outdid yourself this time. But I have to say, at least you're predictable. Alex, you confused me in new and different ways this episode, and neither of you came out looking great. I'm not sure which one looked like the bigger freak, though, so let's review.

So, this girl that Alex brings home and has sex with, Stacy, uses that oh-so-painful Paris Hilton baby voice and doesn't seem to have a whole lot going on in the personality department. She's also a little thicky-thick, which is cool, but I had to agree with Colie in her immature bitchiness that the tube-top dress was not a good decision. So, Colie: 0, Alex: -1.

But seriously, that night Colie was acting like such a loser, I have to wonder if MTV regretted casting her. (How could I say such a thing?) I loved that at least the drunkies completely missed her stupid, "Oh, Alex, some girls called for you" comment, and I really wanted to smack some self-respect into this girl when she was imitating Stacy's sex noises in hopes the pair would hear her. Isn't that something you did in high school? That's a penalty, for sure. Colie: -1, Alex: -1.

And you know what? At least Alex goes out, Colie. You don't even bother anymore. (By the way, nice bottle service they had at the beginning of the episode, huh?) Colie has become this pathetic homebody because she doesn't have a man to make her feel good about herself. And I think everyone except Jenn is starting to see this and lose any respect they might have had for her. I actually laughed out loud after Colie roped Adam into asking her out, came into the living room, announced her date to everyone, and then no one cared. Stephen didn't even look up from his book. Oh, that was heaven. Colie: -1, Alex: 0.

And not only do you look completely pathetic, Colie, but you also look like a huge bitch. Your boyfriend is visiting you in a few days, and you're going on (semi-consensual) dates and crying to a complete creep, basically asking him to have sex with you? The way she leads on this BF - who seems to treat her really well (even though the "I was thinking about you so hardcore last night" comment was really lame and kind of dirty-sounding) - makes her, to me, completely unsympathetic. Colie: -2, Alex: 0.

And also, at least the questionably attractive person Alex brings home can bare to touch him. Adam seemed to cringe at Colie's presence, not to mention the fact that he never said anything on their date. You know she grabbed his arm and put it on her to force him to spoon her. He must have felt so violated after that "date." Colie: -3, Alex: 0.

As much of a creepy sociopath as Alex is, his assessments of Colie's personality during his confessionals were so dead-on, I have to give him some credit. Colie: -3, Alex: 1.

But I'm taking it right back, because he goes back to her in the end! What were you thinking, Alex? I have to wonder if he's not just saying that so Colie won't be mad at him, but he seemed sober (probably not a safe assumption with this cast) when he said he liked her. Weird. And, of course, Colie ate it up. Colie: -3, Alex: 0.

It was a tight race, but I guess Alex won the "Who Was Less of a Freak" contest. Although, looking better than Colie isn't exactly challenging. But I think we can all agree that the real winner this episode is Brooke, because of her comment about Adam quitting his job and her walking around in her underwear, can't we?