Fear Factor
I really don't care for this show, but since it's an "all-female" edition, I feel compelled to check out what the girls are up to (about a D-cup, from the looks of it). And I'm appalled right out of the gate by these catty and obnoxious "ladies." This early exchange between host Joe Rogan and one of the contestants pretty much sums up the caliber of the competitors:

Joe: Now, are you happy you're competing against other women here?
Nicole: Yeah, I like competing against women. I'm used to doing it in beauty pageants but this is definitely more challenging...
Joe: What's the hardest thing about beauty pageants?
Nicole: Um...[Squints]
Joe: That you have to answer questions?
Nicole: Um, yeah. [Giggles]

And while I could stomach the first round, there was no possible way I was swallowing the next one, Roadkill Cafe. I'll spare you the gory details except to say that the contestants had seven minutes to consume their carrion but it took me fewer than seven seconds to find the remote.

Listen Up
This installment began painlessly enough, with Jason Alexander's less-bratty-than-usual daughter instructing him on how not to embarrass her when he spoke in front of her class: "We're gonna have a few rules here: Don't smile at me. Don't point at me. Don't say 'as it were,' 'per se' or 'if I may.' No golf stories, no vacation stories, no puns... Don't say 'anyhoo,' 'ladies and germs' or "What can I do you for?' And you can't wear anything you currently have in your closet or any of your drawers."

But then Malcolm-Jamal Warner upstages him at the assembly and later at work, causing a rift in their friendship that keeps the two from watching sports together. While it was amusing to watch Alexander's TV family suffer through the broadcast (Wife: "Weren't there two minutes left a half an hour ago?"), things quickly went downhill when a piece of untwisted black licorice reminded Alexander of the absent Warner's long braids. Show-within-a-show guest star Steve Young put it best when he said, "It really sucks."

Everwood
Last season Delia was the center of the Very Special Curse-Word Episode. But now she's a year older, so it only makes sense that tonight she's at the heart of the Very Special Vibrator Episode. (Delia finds one under neighbor Nina's bed and Nina tries to pass it off as a "foot massager.") It's all a little too Sex and the City meets The Waltons for me, but at least now the show's title makes sense to me. And Deadwood too, for that matter, since I don't think there were batteries in the Old West.

Trivial Pursuit '90s Edition Commercial
This ad makes me nostalgic for my college years, when my Rutgers (sorry, Mom, but no one except alumnae and proud parents know where Douglass is) classmates and I would inevitably end up playing Trivial Pursuit at a party or after a night on the town. (And no, we weren't geeks, just really smart and competitive lushes.) Anyway, it's pretty amusing to see has-beens Dennis Rodman, Kato Kaelin and that guy who played Screech climbing out of the time-capsule hole. Wait a minute. Is that...? No, it can't... Yes, it can — it's Pepito!

Not-a-geek postscript: The game's box has a typo. It should be '90s (abbreviated plural) and not 90's (possessive).

Las Vegas
Who didn't see it coming that Delinda's terminally ill childhood sweetheart, who spent the whole show trying to get her into bed and persuade someone to sky dive with him, was going to jump out of the plane without his parachute? Of course, that still didn't stop me from shouting "I knew it!" to no one in particular other than the evil Babu, who was a-snooze on the couch. Hey, it's no more ridiculous than yelling at a running football player when you're watching the game at home even though he can't hear you.

As for the subplot of the missing lobsters, a) I never knew Pacific lobsters didn't have claws and b) lobsters can't scream because they don't have vocal chords; the "screaming" sound you hear when you toss them in the pot is the air escaping from their shells.

CSI: Miami
Relative unknown Jonathan Togo joins the cast as Speedle's replacement, Ryan Wolfe, in an episode that also gives us a look into Calleigh's troubled relationship with her alcoholic father (John Heard). Wolfe is a Miami beat cop who wants to be a CSI and proves his mettle when Horatio assigns him to investigate whether or not Mr. Duquesne killed someone with his car while driving home from his latest bender. (Did anyone else notice how Wolfe's hair changed when he got the gig?) In my humble opinion, I could have done without the parallel plot that had Jonathan Silverman as a businessman with a psycho ex who killed his current girlfriend because she was pregnant and one of his coworkers because they were up for the same promotion. It's not that I don't believe the girl was cuckoo for Coco Puffs about him, I just don't buy the tear-fluid-as-a-mirror bit.

LAX
So we finally get the story on that creepy young guy who's been lurking around the airport (and who bears an uncanny resemblance to that creepy young guy lurking around in last season's Kingdom Hospital). He had a fight with his girlfriend right before they were to get on a plane to Hawaii and she left without him, but she never came back because she died in a scuba accident. And not only does he help out the confused old lady who's ditched by her whipped worm of a son, he also finds Henry's lost gun. Speaking of Henry (Frank John Hughes), I think he's my favorite character on the show, even more so than Paul Leyden's Tony. Why? Because he's human. Everybody else seems so plastic and their conflicts are usually resolved at the end of each episode, yet Henry is constantly struggling to keep his head above water. (That and I love those boys in blue.)

Daily Show
There's really no other way to say this: How cute was Jon Stewart's chat with Nobel Prize winner Bishop Desmond Tutu? Stewart kept the banter light, teasing him with the subtleties of American English (the collective "you" vs. the singular "you"), and Tutu gamely played along, repeatedly getting the giggles. After hearing Tutu say that he still believes that the human race has the capacity for peace, Stewart summed it up perfectly: "You're the nicest person I've ever met."

— And that, faithful readers, is my final Watercooler column. It has been a pleasure writing for you for the past year, and I can only hope that you enjoyed reading my observations and random musings half as much as I enjoyed sharing them. My successor has yet to be determined but I'm certain that whomever assumes the position will be as intelligent, incisive and entertaining as my five other cohorts prove themselves to be every single week. It has been an honor working with and learning from each and every one of them, and I look forward to enjoying the fruits of their labor as a civilian. All the best, Rebecca.