Fear Factor
Life is truly not fair. Proof: Krisandra ate live African cave-dwelling spiders for nothing. She didn't win the car. Or the game. Cliffhanger solved.

The New McDonald's Commercials
Why don't they show an actual, oh, I don't know, McDonald's restaurant in these things? Last week, they had Justin Timberlake singing over scenes of people laughing, dancing and living the skinny high life. This week they've got a Latino group doing the same thing. Well, guess what? I'm not lovin' it. Translation: No me encanta.

Dinner for Five
I'll admit it. I was surprised to see that this show is A.) still on and B.) still able to book guests. And pretty decent ones too! Joining Jon "Mr. Swingers" Favreau for dinner tonight at a hotel in Vancouver: Will Ferrell, James Caan, Zooey Deschanel and Mary Steenburgen. Not bad, right? Yeah... That's 30 minutes I'll never get back. Shoot. You'd think a group of actors would be able to hide their boredom better. Seriously. Zooey zoned out before the appetizers arrived. And at one point the camera actually caught Will staring into his knife!

Girfriends
Dayyammm. My house isn't in order either! Somebody tell the writers to stop spying on me. And ask Maya to teach classes. Sistagirl's got skills. After just one weekend she had Antoine read' to drop out of med school and singing like a Dreamgirl. Yeah, it was like that. At least until Toni's Pocket Doc came in and talked Mister-mister out of the bathroom. (If you didn't see the show, don't ask.)

Cover Girl Aquasmooth Commercials
How great does Queen Latifah look in these? Seriously. She's one easy, breezy, bad mammajamma. OK?

Las Vegas
All Big Ed wants is for one of his daughter Delindas serious last relationships to last through two major holidays. Hey, that's all I want for myself. Click.

CSI: Miami
A Few Thoughts On CS-Sigh Miami:
1) David Caruso, aka Horatio, is the creepiest of all crime time stars. Seriously. The red hair. The Floridian sun-defying pale skin. The beady eyes. And the flat line delivery. No matter what this do-gooder says it comes out like, "Hello, Clarice."
2) Vidalia onions grow only in the southern part of Georgia. Good to know.
3) CSI makes science sexy and CSI: Miami makes super scientists human. But why do they have to make the minorities screw up? And what's with white people saving the day? Hello? Tonight, Eric played hooky from a crime scene. (Bad, Eric!) Blondie covers for him. Then Dr. Alexx doesn't notice a "vic" isn't actually dead until Horatio notices perspiration and steps in, saying, "She's still alive!"
4) Maggots can save your life. What?! Here's the deal. Say someone cracks your skull open with a two-by-four and you lay barely conscious and bleeding on the floor. OK. Well, according to the show, first the flies will come "and they can smell blood from a mile away" and lay eggs in your wound. Maggots will hatch from those eggs and proceed to feast. If enough flies come and you get enough maggots and you don't bleed out over 72 hours, the little buggers will keep your wound clean and save you from deadly infection — just like they did for the victim in this week's episode. Isn't that good to know?

The Real World/Road Rules Challenge
You know what's worst than seeing gray haired, pushing-40 Norman from the first Real World still running with the kiddies? A grown-ass Montana from RW: Boston getting "sacrificed to the Gauntlet" — and crying about it.

Cribs: The Shaquille O'Neal Edition
Eleven bedrooms, 13 baths, 64,000 — tha'ts THOUSAND! — square feet. And a round 30-foot bed. That's all I'm saying. OK?

Wade Robson Project
I've broken up with Wade. Yes, during the "live" semifinals week. And, no, I don't want to talk about it.

The Late Show with David Letterman
Jessica Simpson has been a guest on Oprah, but Letterman still has not. Again I say, life is truly not fair.