This is a true story. The events described are based upon a critic's screening of the Fargo finale, which airs on Monday at 10/9c on FX. At the request of the network, spoilers have been avoided. Out of respect for FX executive VP of communications John Solberg, the rest will be only lightly and ambiguously teased.

Here's every non-spoiler we can tell you — and there aren't many — about Fargo's finale. OK then!

The Blumquists are still on the run: Thanks to the UFO distraction, Peggy (Kirsten Dunst) and Ed (Jesse Plemons) are able to evade their shotgun-wielding hunter Hanzee (Zahn McClarnon). How long they can keep this up remains to be seen, especially since Lou (Patrick Wilson) had ominously warned them, "You've been lucky. That luck's gonna run out."

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Kansas City makes another move: Mike Milligan (Bokeem Woodbine) and his sole-surviving Kitchen twin (Brad Mann) hightailed it away from the Motor Motel after seeing the carnage there. But true to Fargo form, we'll get to see a cruel and cheeky outcome for Kansas City.

The Solversons will make you cry: Don't worry. We won't reveal the fates of Betsy (Cristin Milioti), who was last seen collapsing, or her dad Sheriff Hank Larsson (Ted Danson), who was shot during the hotel shootout, except to say that everything to do with the Solverson family is just goshdarn good in an emotional way. They're the family you wish you had and are thankful exist, even if they are fictional.

Kiki and Pat do Fargo proud: The cast of Fargo this season is without a doubt worthy of any and all praise, but in particular, the finale contains scenes that will highlight exactly why Dunst and Wilson deserve their Golden Globe nominations. Wilson as the ultimate warm-hearted yet intrepid good guy is one of those stealth performances that isn't showy, but anchors the show. In contrast, Dunst's take on Peggy — a volatile woman who is a persecuted legend in her own mind — delights and horrifies your brain all at once. We can't wait to see what Dunst tackles next.

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Gather ye Easter eggs while ye may: The beauty of Fargo is that a season may only be 10 amazing episodes, but the producers clearly want you to cherish and savor every last phrase, glance and frame. There is one scene from the finale that is a love letter to diehard fans, and even while it made us yearn for so much more, we were also grateful for what we were given.

The Fargo finale airs Monday at 10/9c on FX. Check out the similarly spoiler-free preview below: