Question: I am a fan of your column and believe you to be imbued with awesome television powers. In last week's column, you granted a reader UPN access. I, too, cannot get UPN through my local cable provider. I have sent them e-mails asking them to provide UPN so that I, too, can share in the greatness that is Veronica Mars. Please work your magic for me as well.

Answer: Let's not make a habit of this, people. I'm a world-renowned TV columnist, not a cable repairman. That being said, pick up your remote, turn to channel 22 and you should be ready to roll.