Extreme Makeover: Home Edition's How'd They Do That?
Ty's arm must be hurting a whole lot from all of the self-congratulatory back-patting he does in these episodes. I think his pal Michael sums it up best when he rolls his eyes and tells the camera, "He'll be over there, talking to all his fans and signing autographs till the last minute and then come in here and yell at us with his bullhorn." Don't need a behind-the-scenes episode to tell me the guy has an ego. (And while I'm Ty-bashing, what is with that soul patch? I'm all for the sexy facial hair, but that thing looks like a caterpillar crawled on his face and died.) Meanwhile, did you notice that producers forgot about the entire point of this episode: how the crew built a special bedroom for a boy with brittle-bone disease? But we get lots of shots of Ty in his muscle shirt. Priorities, you know.

Buick LaCrosse Commercial
Who would've thought Led Zeppelin would let Cadillac use "Rock and Roll" to sell Escalades? ("Oooooh yeah!!!") But it worked, proving that aging rockers can make aging brands hip again. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for Aerosmith, whose power ballad "Dream On" fails to re-create that magic for Buick. (Yes, BUICK.) Hey, Steven Tyler: The only way I'm gonna drive that dorky grandpa-mobile is if you pull an Oprah, and give me one for free. Maybe.

Everwood
Last week I watched because Amy and Ephram were supposed to do it. Tonight I'm watching because I'm hoping they'll do it again. After all, there's always a chance producers will go all Brenda-and-Dylan on us with a "Very Special Everwood" about the "perils" of premarital sex. Here's the good news: They don't show that episode. And the bad news: The teens don't do it, and for the stupidest reason. Ephram decides to see his ex-girlfriend's band instead of spending the evening with Amy. Even worse, he lies about it, then 'fesses up only because he feels guilty. "You're a selfish liar," Amy tells him when he fumbles for an excuse. Ouch! Looks like he won't be seeing the inside of her bedroom anytime soon. And I won't be tuning in for a while, either.

Everybody Loves Raymond
Who's the better couple on this show? I totally agree with the results of Robert's equation: "Take Ma's love for Raymond and subtract it by her distaste for Debra. Compare it to her disappointment in me, and add it to her adoration for Amy. We end up winning by 15 points!" Well, not exactly, since Marie is fibbing when she tells Robert he's her favorite. Too bad, since he has become something of a lovable lug now that he's gotten married. And he's still as funny as ever. "All that stuff Mom is doing?" he explains to Amy, who's been getting the royal treatment from Marie. "She really just wants us to breed. We're like Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing!" Trying to have kids while still living at home with those parents? Yep, that sounds about right to me.

CSI: Miami
Why does this freaking show have to be so complicated? A guy falls off the balcony of an apartment and his death implicates like 10 people, including Horatio, who gets accused of using excessive force. (Naturally, a prostitute is involved. Gotta throw in some sleazy sex, especially since none of the characters seems to be getting any. Though they do manage to make swabbing and pipetting look pretty hot.) My favorite character (and, ironically, the one with the most personality) is the dead girl in the Everglades. Turns out her burial in moist ground perfectly preserves evidence, including the vomit that's in her hair. I could live without those slo-mo shots of that guy puking, even if his bile helps solve the crime. Keep showing stuff like this and I might come up with some "evidence" of my own.

Degrassi: The Next Generation
Am I the only one who doesn't get Sean's attraction for Emma? Sure she's sweet and smart, and the vegan thing is fairly progressive. But motorcycle-riding bad boys who get expelled for fighting rarely show interest in the tree-hugging crowd. And let's face it, when it comes to looks, Emma got badly beaten by the ugly stick. (Because actress Miriam McDonald transforms into a stunning beauty just a few seasons later, I don't feel too horrible for saying that. We all wish our awkward teenage years turned out so good.) So it's no surprise when their first mall date is a disaster, like Eminem hanging out in the food court with Gloria Steinem. He does get points for dissing meat and for pawing through the garbage to find Emma's wallet. But which is it, nice guy or rebel dude? Won't the real Sean Cameron please stand up?