Ed
I think it's time to check into the Betty Ford Clinic for TV fans addicted to cute. Because no matter how much I gripe about the down-home dorkiness of Stuckeyville, I have to admit it: I am powerless over Ed and Carol. Love 'em! Presenting Carol her 25 favorite things, then popping the question, I'm sorry. It just doesn't get any sweeter and more prime-time adorable than that. And while it was a hoot to see Burt Reynolds as Mike's strap of a dad, even better was the feuding twosome's barb-fueled reconciliation. Who knew "You're impotent" and "Sorry I burned down your house" could make for such a heartwarming Thanksgiving?

It's All Relative
Hmmm. A bit of a misfire here, with Liz and Bobby trying to trick their folks into throwing them an engagement party. Granted, it made for some great back-and-forth bickering between the O'Neils and Liz's dads, but there has to be a better way to ruffle their feathers than showing twentysomethings as such selfish tools. This is a sitcom, after all. Not a reality show.

The O.C.
Thanksgiving with the Cohens is now the greatest holiday ever. Kirstin sucks back a gallon of vino, Julie sucks up to Kir's pops and Seth sucks face with both Summer and Anna. And speaking of thanks, yippee for Sandy, setting his floozy coworker up with Jimmy. Get her out of here, for God's sake. I got women in the office all up in my grill about this Rachel getting so flirty with the brow-master. Just a warning, though: If you thought this one was wild, strap in for next week. For real, for real.

The Bachelor
Well, shut my mouth! He picked Estella! Week after week, I'm sitting here saying it was going to be Kelly Jo. She's like a little Kelly Clarkson without all the extensions and streaks. Stunned. Simply stunned. Probably not as much as Kelly Jo, who turned to ice seconds after realizing she wasn't getting the bling. But after Estella's home run of a visit with Bob's family, it was pretty much a done deal. Oh, and Nora Guiney, you rock. I'd marry your son if you came with the deal.

Hell on Heels: The Battle of Mary Kay
Shirley MacLaine as the cosmetics queen. Shannen Doherty as her ace saleswoman. Parker Posey as the competition. Between all the fake eyelashes, scenery chewing and Southern accents, I'm not sure if this is a TV-movie or a drag-queen training film.

200 Greatest Pop Culture Icons
You're damn right, ranking Audrey Hepburn before P. Diddy. But George Clooney over her? He was on The Facts of Life! With a mullet! Show a little respect, would ya?

Pantene Commercial
Someone seriously needs to tell Patricia Heaton to give up the whole "I'm just a regular person" shtick. You have more Emmys than anyone needs and do shampoo ads about getting ready for awards shows. That's not regular, babe. That's bragging.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Living with two very hot women, I understand the need for a $28 bra. As much as they understand my need to see Tyra Banks work a runway like nobody's business. If only to make up for her paltry role in Coyote Ugly, which is a whole other need I'm not ready to discuss. Heidi Klum in an $11 million over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, however, is excessive. Maybe she can hock the thing and buy her fellow models an In-N-Out Burger. These girls are practically see-through under all the lights! Unless Victoria's real secret is to starve models into thinking that the rest of America pouts around in panties and a pair of wings. I think only my roommates do that.