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What I Like About You
Oh, my god I think that's Luke Perry! (Yeah, I knew he was gonna be on. Damn convincing typing, though, huh?)
OK, Brandon reference... check. Brenda reference... check. And his presence did lead to Holly and Tina talking again. Those kids. The lesson? Whenever life hands you lemons, call someone from your old series. Michael Peck
Was I the only one who cracked up when Jack and Curtis stormed that office floor only to find your average cubeland, filled with dutiful worker bees, oblivious to the fact that a terrorist was working in their midst? (Makes you wanna take a little closer look at some of your more shifty-looking colleagues, now doesn't it?) How come none of them noticed the nervous guy with a map of the US with blinking targets on his computer screen, not to mention a weird looking device openly taped to the side of his desk? (Makes you wanna take a little closer look at some of your more technical colleagues, now doesn't it?) I was a little bummed that Paul wasn't directly connected to Marwan I kinda wanted him to be primo terrorist material. But hey, at least Jack got the chance to torture his girlfriend's ex. (How many guys wish they could do that?). After that little revolting episode (get it?), I'm guessing the dude won't be attending Jack and Audrey's nuptials. (How 'bout a lamp for a wedding gift?) I was starting to wonder what the deal was with Maya (was she only a device to humanize Driscoll, aka Miss Roboto?), until I saw she's being replaced in next week's ep. Good. 'Cause now that the device has been found and the power plants shut down (go Edgar!), CTU needs some fresh blood. Robin Honig
The Amazing Race
Why is this the best reality show on television? Because, I ask you, where else can you see a llama belching? OK, maybe America's Next Top Model. But does that show have 35 lbs. of alfalfa for each contestant? Wait, I'm actually not sure about that, so never mind. Anyway, Patrick's reaction to the llama burp said it all: "Oh yeah, that was ripe." You could almost smell it after that.
Now on to more important things: Ha! Rob and Amber were third! Ha! One more Ha! I swear, if they had won another $20,000 you would have seen Lex from Survivor fly out of the bushes and tackle both of them.
Considering Debbie and Bianca gave Ron and Kelly a false lead for the buried airline tickets, I'm not overly thrilled that they came in first and won the cash. (I was always amazed that past winners of each leg were awarded trips. After traveling tens of thousands of miles like crazy people, getting on another plane had to be the last thing they wanted to do.) Nevertheless, as long as the oh-so-privileged Rob and Amber don't win this whole thing, I'll be happy. They are this edition's villains. And don't even think of blaming editing. No one forced Rob to boast that "We're winning the million. Did I fail to mention that?"
Unfortunately, one team who definitely will not be winning the top prize is the thoroughly entertaining duo of Ray and Chuck. That sucked. They were easily one of the more fun pairs to watch.
A few other tidbits:
"When you're gone, you're gone," said Greg Medavoy. When you're right, you're right. And how often could Medavoy claim that privilege? The former bumbling detective, who recently hung up his badge to sell real estate, made an obligatory cameo in the farewell episode of this great and once-controversial police drama. Guess what? No one really had time for him. Life, and the job, had moved on. And so, in a way, has TV, at least where NYPD Blue is concerned. When you're over, you're over.
Was the not-very-grand finale anticlimactic? You bet, but in all the right and classiest ways. Sergeant Andy Sipowicz (the great Dennis Franz), newly installed as the 15th Precinct's squad commander, made some new enemies as he defied authority one last time, urging his troops to pursue the murder of a high-priced hooker, no matter how many powerful toes got crushed along the way. In most regards it was just another routine case in the never-ending grind of gritty New York detective work. But for the purposes of bittersweet closure Andy's and our own, we who've been loyal to this show to the end, long after it peaked it was a trial by fire for a new boss who only cared about the loyalty of those who work for him. To a man and woman, each took an emotional final bow to show they were with Andy all the way.
Emotion was always NYPD Blue's greatest asset I can't imagine feeling such a sense of loss when Law & Order hangs it up, if it ever does and I bet most longtime fans were satisfied by the show's quiet dignity at the fadeout. I certainly was. If, like they say about the month of March itself, NYPD Blue came in like a lion and left like a lamb, that's not such a bad way to go. The reality is that the show was more than ready to quit. It long ago served its purpose, pushing prime-time drama into darker, more adult and deeply human directions.
Let the final words be that of series cocreator and former head writer David Milch, whose own personal demons were reflected in Andy Sipowicz's personal travails. In the hourlong retrospective that preceded the final episode, Milch said of his most enduring character: "Even a marine crustacean can be a beautiful creature of God." Matt Roush
So Hurley is a millionaire lottery winner who was falsely arrested. I totally thought it looked like a Cops episode when I spotted the hidden Hurley last week. That's an answer, of sorts, but as with everything else on this show, one answer means at least ten more questions. Like where the heck did those numbers come from? Why are they on that secret hatch that Locke's been trying to crack open? And why did they cause Hurley, I mean Hugo, to have such a string of bad luck? I mean the grandfather dying and sister-in-law having a lesbian affair could happen to anyone, but a priest getting struck by lightning during grandpa's funeral, witnessing a person falling from a skyscraper, or unknowingly owning a sneaker factory that burned down and caused employee deaths? That just ain't right. No wonder he thinks he's cursed. I'd believe him, especially if I was trying to screw in a lightbulb.
4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.... I'm already starting to mutter those numbers; soon I'll be playing Connect 4 solitaire. Let's see, according to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books, 42 is the meaning of life and that was the special number on the lotto. OK, that's a start. Then if you double the four, from Connect 4 perhaps, and you get eight, it was 16 weeks since anybody had won the lotto and 15 and 16 are close together, and 23... yeah, I got nothing.
One thing I do know for sure: If I were Shannon and I saw Hurley, Sayid, Jack and Charlie trekking off into the woods, I would have been right behind them. What more could a girl need a resourceful, golf-course-creating dude; a sexy, mysterious guy who she already knows is a good kisser; a hot doctor and a guitar-playing sweetheart. And if I were Jack or Sayid, I'd be diving into that ocean water to find out what kind of insane Atlantis thing was hidden under the sea that could manage to generate power. And I'm not just saying that so they'd have to take off their shirts or anything. Angel Cohn
OK, Sick Scene of the Night goes to... Julian Sark! As if visiting Lauren's corpse in that top-secret morgue wasn't creepy enough, the Brit bad boy goes and fingers the bullet holes? Ewwww. Then again, it's not like any of these people are even in spitting distance of normal. Syd's dressing up as Vaughn's dead wife, he's all Hitchcock Vertigo, teaching her how to speak like his old ball-and-chain, and Jack is risking Sunny Von Nadia's life to wake her from a coma! You knew Sloane was gonna shoot one of his "if I had a mustache, I'd twirl it" looks at that move. But you know, sometimes, ya gotta get a little freaky when Anna Espinosa's on the loose. And as much as I live and breathe for the KGB goddess, that mortuary brawl with Syd was completely worth the realization that her capture and the fabulous Gina Torres' new ABC pilot deal pretty much spells the end of this show's coolest villain. Oh, well. At least Sark is still loose. Damian Holbrook
The O.C. at 9 pm
"Things I Learned from Tonight's Second Repeat"
1) This season's reruns are as addictive as last season's.
2) Whatever Kim Delaney's been doing since CSI: Miami looks like it hurts.
3) Mötley Crüe and a lot of Jägermeister can make you bisexual.
4) Kelly Rowan may be the most underrated actress on TV.
5) Followed closely by Melinda Clarke. These two had more chemistry during their cigars-and-scotch bitch session than a week's worth of Marissa and Alex's Red State-scaring liplocks.
6) If you don't live within walking distance of the Cohen pool house, don't get comfy. Luke, Anna, Jimmy, Hailey, Oliver, the hot lawn guy... history. And now that Lindsey knows she's Caleb's kid and Zach's lost Summer, they're outta here, too. Alex, ya might as well start packing now, toots.
7) When transporting your fugitive ex during a freak Southern California storm, a conveniently washed-out road is guaranteed.
8) As is a seedy motel.
9) And a car accident that scares the wife into forgiving you for No. 7.
10) Boys II Men's "End of the Road" is the saddest song.
11) You can't fight fate.
12) Nobody wears rain like Rachel Bilson. That upside-down Spidey kiss with Adam Brody? We should all be so lucky. DH
Audrey gave an impassioned don't-hate-me-because-I'm-beautiful speech, but still landed her pretty little self in a taxi home when she overdelegated. Didn't help that she butted heads with Vince Vaughn, I mean John, who made the mistake of complimenting her looks but not her brain. Then she pulled a 360 during her exit interview when she was flattered that The Donald said she was beautiful. That wasn't the only confusing thing in her farewell. I've been trying to decipher this particular quote for over an hour: "In the end those of us who walk away winning, win more than just a loss." I'm giving up; I'd much rather spend my time trying to puzzle out Lost's numeric code instead.
There were a few somewhat valuable lessons to be learned tonight, though:
1) You've got to be an animal to stay in this game. Not only during the boardroom catfighting, but on a mini-golf course as well. The Magna zoo tycoons scored, while clowning around left Net Worth with nothing.
2) Chewing tobacco is gross. Period. But chewing tobacco in front of little kids while you are wearing a clown suit can only be pulled off by the likes of Krusty.
3) If you are good at golf you can go places. But if you can't figure out which end of the putter to use, just giggle and bat your eyelashes.
4) When avoiding confrontation, stare at your laptop. What the heck were John and Chris looking at anyway? Sending catty IM's back and forth perhaps?
5) Don't betray your only friend. By trying to bring an ally into the boardroom, Audrey turned Angie into an enemy. Big mistake. HUGE.
6) Trump is the "Mack Daddy of the United States," at least according to Erin. Apparently having your own helicopter is an attractive feature. But is it really safe that his helicopter blades form a giant red-and-white target when rotating? AC