Ever notice how people on TV have to do things differently? Like they can't just have a kid or adopt one — there's always a twist. And they can't have a party without some kind of fake serial killing thrown in. Or real serial killing. And also, they have sex with their pants on. Okay, not really sex, but... read on for this week's Top Moments.
10. Wildest Birthday Party: Sylar is back to being a killing machine on Heroes, but now he has a sense of humor. It was probably wrong to laugh at a birthday girl getting offed, but we lost it when a bunch of surprise partiers catch Sylar wrist-deep in the guest of honor's blood and he offers up this reply: "Cake!" Join the party at our Online Video Guide.
9. Driest Performance: On VH1's riveting Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, former American Idol contestant Nikki McKibbin contestant performs stone-cold sober — for what she says is the first time. (When we think of people imbibing on Idol, McKibbin's name isn't the first that comes to mind.) The show's finale is next week, and with episodes this good, we'll need rehab to wean ourselves off it.
8. Best Return: Sen. John McCain returns again to the Late Show with David Letterman, this time with nothing at stake, and goes back to being the funny guy who kind of disappeared during the presidential campaign. Asked if Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, accused of auctioning off President-elect Barack Obama's Senate seat, is stupid or nuts, McCain chooses "a rare combination of both."
7. Most Shocking Confessions: Meredith, The Office's resident drunk, admits an addiction... to porn. We're trying to scrub that visual from our minds. Phyllis, meanwhile, drops a bombshell that puts Angela's affair out in the open to everyone except Andy — who misses it by composing a Christmas jingle on a sitar.
6. Most Overused Child-Type: Does anyone on television have a non-love-child child? In the aftermath of Bart's death on Gossip Girl, we learned the real reason Lily had a little stay in France: She wasn't crazy, just with child. Rufus' child.
5. Best Christmas Miracle: 30 Rock's Jack Donaghy backs his car into his mother, Colleen (the legendarily excellent Elaine Stritch), then... waits... eight... minutes to call an ambulance. She nails down the timeline with an airtight presentation involving a broken watch, cell phone records, and a homemade flash card.
4. Best Handoff: Tom Brokaw, after months of capably handling Meet the Press, passes the reins to David Gregory. We don't expect him to fill Tim Russert's shoes, but who could? Watch Gregory take the chair in our Online Video Guide.
3. Killer Wedding Gift: When Dexter was abducted, we assumed he was being driven off by a serial killer operating on instructions from the scheming Miguel Prado. In fact, Dex is off to his bachelor party, complete with a rap-video tableau of leggy ladies in a strip club. The best gift of all arrives at the end: Our dubious hero gets Miguel, and just might live happily ever after.
2. Most Deserved Wish Come True: Dr. Cuddy, who must be exhausted from dealing with cranky, rude and rebellious House for five years now, finally has something to celebrate this Christmas. After she saves a dying patient's newborn daughter from a crack den, the baby's grandparents decide to let Cuddy become a foster parent, then adopt the little bundle.
1. Best Song About Premature Ejaculation: Are you sick of Andy Samberg and Jorma Taccone's instant-classic Saturday Night Live digital short yet? Neither are we. We just wish it had lasted a little longer. Experience the excitement in on our Online Video Guide.
What were your Top Moments?