Well it's about damn time somebody got Oprah on these Laguna beeyotches! Kudos to blonde Alex H.'s inner people-pleaser for staging some peace talks between the girls. Even if it is all about to fall apart in Cabo, let's honor our Lady of the Perpetual Stoned-Face with this week's "Why aren't I in the opening credits?" quiz. (And again, your replies give me life. Honestly.)
1) Awful Alex M. and Poor Dumb Jessica were friends?! Good lord, somebody get these dimwits a copy of Cosmo pronto. There are rules, ladies. You don't share a dude!
2) You don't, do you? And if not, should there be a special dispensation for the sharing of a dude like Jason the Chronic Cheater? I mean, the beer gut and bald patch are just a few years away. Might as well get as much out of him as you can now, right?
3) How creepy is Awful Alex M. with that whole "I called your mom" interrogation after Jason showed up at the bonfire? And her death-grip on that fork at dinner? Are we thinking straightjacket or electroshock?
4) "Your boyfriend's playin' you" text-messages: Kill the messenger or the boyfriend? And do we buy Poor Dumb Jessica's claims that "nothing happened"? (And remember: It so happened.)
5) Should Kristin and I make up? She seems so much cooler now that Stephen is just a recurring itch.
6) What is up with Taylor's face? Does Kristin hate her because she looks like the spawn of Kate Bosworth and a Cabbage Patch Kid?
7) What was Casey doing at that bonfire? I thought witches were still a little skittish around open flames.
BONUS No. 1: Who else is dying for a Cabo catfight next week?
BONUS No. 2: When is Jaclyn from Ridley going to invite me for a burger at Nifty Fifty's? Hook a brotha up, woman!