The Cut Did we really need another...

The Cut
Did we really need another cookie-cutter Apprentice show to get through the summer? I mean Tommy Hilfiger makes some cool clothes and has slightly better hair than The Donald, but his catchphrase "You're out of style" needs some major work. It just doesn't have that special ring to it. You know, the one that lends itself to T-shirts and coffee mugs and repetition across the country. It was interesting that he made them walk the runway on their way out, when their challenge had so little to do with actual fashion. It was more about leadership skills and graphic design, or lack thereof. Poor Amy, we hardly knew ye, in fact I barely remember seeing you, so I can't exactly be so sad that you are gone. But good luck, do something different with that hair next time you plan on meeting a world-famous designer. My early favorite is Princess; she's hysterical. Anyone who admits to being a cross between a vixen, diva and bitch in her first interview is bound to bring in the fun. And for the boys, I like Wes, but only because he's kind of cute. As for the billboards, I work literally around the corner from them and never noticed either one. I imagine that I was probably annoyed by the cranes or people blocking the sidewalk as I usually am when they're putting up a new ad in Times Square. I just hope the next challenge is more fashion-forward, because so far I'm worried that the business-minded folks on the actual Apprentice spent more time working with clothing than these aspiring designers will get to. — Angel Cohn

MTV Movie Awards
8:30 Batman begins the show by picking up host Jimmy Fallon in the Batmobile, and how cool is it that Batman turns out to be Napoleon Dynamite? How does Andy Dick continue to get booked for these awards each year?
8:42 Happy that the girls from Mean Girls won for Best On-Screen Team. Oh, my God, Lacey Chabert has boobs!
8:50 What is happening to Vin Diesel's career? I know The Pacifier did decently at the box office, but come on, say it with me: "The Pacifier sucked."
8:51 The normally funny Ben Stiller wins for Best Villain for Dodgeball, but does a very unfunny bit with an egg.
8:54 What's going on with Eminem performing with the Crank Yankers? Creepy.
8:57 Thank goodness the life-size puppets are gone, leaving Eminem solo. The girl puppets were not wearing underwear.
9:03 Nicole Kidman's forehead doesn't move as she awards Rachel McAdams for Breakthrough Female Performance.
9:09 I think I'm the only person I know who hasn't seen Napoleon Dynamite. Nice to see Breakthrough Male Jon Heder with straight hair.
9:17 Absolutely hilarious and brilliantly edited Star Wars parody. Best line (Jimmy to Ewan McGregor): "Sith? That's a pretty nasty lisp you've got there." Second best line (Jimmy to Natalie Portman): "What am I — chopped lava?"
9:23 Dustin Hoffman wins for Best Comedic Performance for Meet the Fockers and, inspired by Eminem, touches himself multiple times. Boobalicious Lacey Chabert mouths, "That was funny!"
9:26 Mariah Carey brings down the house with her No. 1 hit "We Belong Together." Who knew that after Glitter, Mariah would ever hit No. 1 again?
9:30 Mariah ends and Jessica Simpson mouths, "I love her!"
9:35 Very funny segment with Jimmy feeling up Sandra Bullock. Great to see Leonardo DiCaprio finally beat out Jamie Foxx for Best Male Performance for The Aviator. Jamie was outstanding in Ray, but enough already. Lame of Leo not to be there (at least he sent a tape).
9:41 Dakota Fanning wins Best Frightened Performance for Hide and Seek. I win Best Frightened Performance when watching Dakota's acceptance speech. Close your eyes — I swear she's morphing into Zelda Rubinstein from Poltergeist. "This house is clean."
9:48 Extremely unfunny bit with Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn. Does anyone in Hollywood have a bigger nose than Owen? But you know what they say — big nose, big ... well, you get the picture.
9:53 My favorite part of the evening — Hilary Swank salutes the 20th anniversary of The Breakfast Club. OK — I'll admit it. It not only made me feel old, but the whole combination of the film clips with Yellowcard singing an excellent cover of "Don't You Forget About Me" made me cry. But in a good way. Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy and Anthony Michael Hall all look great. Where were Judd and Emilio?
10:09 Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams recreate their Best Kiss from The Notebook and it's even hotter than in the movie. Sadly, Ryan isn't as good looking when he stands next to presenter Paul Walker.
10:11 I'm nauseous. Katie Holmes presents the Generation Award to her generation-older "boyfriend" Tom Cruise.
10:12 I temporarily lose my nausea during the Cruise film clip tribute. Tom is actually a really good actor, and I am reminded of his plethora of fantastic performances.
10:16 Back to brainwashed Katie. Now I am recalling something one of my best friends Dawn Young said recently (and I must give credit where credit is due): Tom Cruise is a promosexual. Whenever he has a huge movie coming out, he promotes his new "girlfriend" and these "girlfriends" keep getting younger and younger to coincide with his target audience. Dawn is brilliant.
10:23 How pleasant to see Jessica Simpson present with her Dukes costars and not Nick. Another win for Jon Heder and Dynamite — this time for Best Musical Performance.
10:27 So glad Daryl Hannah won Best Fight for Kill Bill 2! How drunk was Quentin Tarantino?
10:42 Lindsay Lohan beats Hilary Swank for Best Female Performance? Huh? Lindsay says (about her award), "This is the best popcorn I've ever had!" Lindsay, eat some real popcorn — stat!
10:53 The final award — Best Movie. Tom Cruise walks out carrying his future "girlfriend" Dakota Fanning. (Hey, remember, target audience.) Napoleon Dynamite wins for the third time. Guess what I'll be renting ASAP? — Dave Anderson

Hit Me Baby One More Time
Wow. Vernon Kaye has the whitest teeth I've ever seen. Katie Couric pointed it out on yesterday's Today show and she's totally right. That's all you see when you look at him. Reminds me of that time on Friends when Ross left the teeth whitener on for too long and then they glowed blue in the blacklight. Good times.

Anyway, on to tonight's songs... (I'm ignoring the lame second half of the show from here on out. Really there's no point in even commenting on The Motels doing Norah Jones' "Don't Know Why," is there? You know I'm just going to bash it.) "My Sharona" always makes me think of Reality Bites (one of the best soundtracks ever), and "Ice Ice Baby" is so bad it's amazing. Those lyrics are tucked away in some corner of my brain and despite the fact that I hear that song only once every three years, the words just come flying back.

I had no idea Tommy Tutone was the group that sang "867-5309/Jenny," though I do love that song. I don't think I've ever heard of The Motels or the name of their song. Still the "Who's that?" award of the night has to go to Haddaway. Before tonight I — and I think it's pretty safe to assume most of the US population — knew his song "What Is Love" by its more common name: "The One Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell Bop Their Heads To." But the guy is a fellow George Washington alumnus, so I was half-rooting for him tonight. Go Colonials! All that said, Vanilla Ice, aka Rob Van Winkle, won and money was donated to his charity. Really, the announcement of the winner is so anticlimatic.

My deep thought, er, question of the night is: How do you think they got people to be on this show? I can just picture the conversation with the singer's agents — "Hey, we're doing this great reality show about washed-up pop stars and one-hit wonders. Do you think your client would be down with that?" It makes me wonder what shows these people turned down. — Ali Gazan

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