CBS' Grammys Memo to Performers Calls Thongs and Bare Sides "Problematic," Prohibits Obscenity

A dress code for everyone appearing onstage during Sunday's Grammys telecast? Celebrities — they really are just like us!

In preparation for Sunday's ceremony, CBS sent out a memo to all talent appearing on camera politely reminding them about the network's wardrobe policy.

Photos: 2012 Grammys fashion hits and misses

For starters, obscenity or partially seen obscenity — is that like getting the crappy partial view seat at a Broadway show? — printed on wardrobe is "unacceptable" for broadcast. However, thong-type costumes and bare sides and/or under curvature of the breasts is merely "problematic." In what should really be called "The Jennifer Lopez rule," the network asks talent to just say no to "sheer see-through" clothing that might expose female nipples. Yes, we know J. Lo didn't actually expose anything in her famous green dress, but it was touch-and-go for a while there.

The network also encourages celebrities to "adequately" cover their butts, boobs and "genital region." That last part is very important because it prevents anyone at home from seeing any "puffy" bare skin. We're still unclear what exactly CBS means by "puffy" bare skin near the genital region, but we strongly advise anyone with such a concern to consult a medical professional immediately.

Best and worst performances from the 2012 Grammys

Most importantly, natch, all foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared and all talent should avoid any clothing or accessories promoting an organized cause. Because that would be the real controversy at the Grammys — not someone exposing their naughty bits but someone exposing their political affiliations! Thank you, CBS!

The Grammys air Sunday at 8/7c on CBS.