Sadly, commercial success eluded Kristen Kirchner on last week's Apprentice. Both teams were total washouts in their attempt to create a TV ad for Dove: The "book smart" staff of Magna Corp. created a porny promo with a cucumber, while Net Worth's "street smarts" amounted to a runner using body soap on his face. In the boardroom, Magna's commercial caused more controversy, but it was ultimately Net Worth's project manager who was fired for her inability to control her teammates, who all seemed to hate her. Here, TV Guide Online calls the 31-year-old realtor to hear what she has to say for herself. Of course, the bossy Kristen doesn't hold back!
TV Guide Online: You had it out for Audrey from the start. Why?
Kristen Kirchner: I didn't like that she is 22 years old and thinks that she's lived every single aspect of her life. And instead of doing any work — which she never did and you will never see her do — she sits there and complains about what is wrong with things. Well, what the hell do you know, honey? You are 22.
TVGO: You ruffled a lot of feathers. Did you get along with anyone?
Kristen: They did not show the people that I did get along with. How's that? I got along with everybody except [Audrey and Angie], so they kept showing those two. They didn't like me, and they can't handle a strong woman like me. That should show something about the insecurities that lie within them.
TVGO: Was there anybody you actually admired?
Kristen: Oh, absolutely. I think John is fantastic. He was amazing. Tara is just great and Tana, too.
TVGO: But you dragged Tana into the boardroom for not telling the models what to do.
Kristen: Yes, because of that task. Just because you like someone doesn't mean you can't bring them into the boardroom. Actually, it is weak if you don't. It was hard for me to bring Tana in because I really, really liked her, but she was in charge of the models. For this [game], you can't pick and choose favorites; you have to make the right conscious decision for the given hand.
TVGO: On the show, you said things turn out better when you handle them yourself.
TVGO: Then why give Tana and Audrey such a big responsibility?
Kristen: Because there is no "I" in team. To be honest, I am not used to working with teams. I am used to delegating and telling people what to do. I'm also used to working with competent people. The fact is that if you are going to put body wash as a joke on the guy's face, you need to tell the model what to do. Tana said, "No, I didn't [lose control]." I'm a little upset with her, but that's just what happens in the business world. As soon as the opportunity hits the table and they can point fingers, they are going to point fingers. That's what they did. [So the] project manager [got fired] every single time — four in a row. Because Mr. Trump is lazy and Mr. Trump cannot deal with strong women in the workplace.
TVGO: What about Carolyn?
Kristen: I know that Carolyn is strong, but how strong is she really? Am I stronger than Carolyn? I have some strengths there that are different than Carolyn's. I think I'm more of a bitch than her.
TVGO: What did you think when you saw the other team's commercial?
Kristen: I said, "We're going to win." It was disgusting.
TVGO: Do you think your commercial was too safe?
Kristen: We put Dove body wash on somebody's face; that is a boundary. Come on, there is safe and then there is way over-the-top disgusting. Body wash on the face is a whole lot better than massaging a cucumber [as] a phallic symbol.
TVGO: What did you think of the professional ad Dove ran during Apprentice's commercial break?
Kristen: You don't want to know my opinion on that one.
TVGO: Yes, I do!
Kristen: OK, my opinion on the one they went with is, "What?!" That is my opinion.
TVGO: You kept saying that your boyfriend was a director, so you should be in charge. Had you directed before?
Kristen: No. This was my first time. I [told them] I had been on the set a lot. But Audrey listens with half of one ear and that is it. Here's the deal: Our team was from all over the country and I never said that I am this major director. I'm from the city and I've been around sets more than anyone else on my team had. Audrey was just freakin' annoying to me because she wanted to be project manager and she wasn't elected because no one thought that she could carry the team.
TVGO: Did you get your [now ex-] director-boyfriend's opinion on your ad spot?
Kristen: I haven't had time to talk to him yet because I have been so busy. But I am sure when I do, he'll tell me that I did a good job and did the better commercial. We had no computer graphics to work with. We had a soundstage and a Sesame Street set and that was it.
Kristen: C'mon. Animals are so much easier. If a horse doesn't like you, they'll kick you. If a person doesn't like you, they'll stab you in the back. I'd rather have a horse kick me.
TVGO: That Narcissist tee you sell on your website seems appropriate, but I really like the one that says "Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s."
Kristen: The purpose of that one is that women in Hollywood lie about their age. People should start embracing their ages and who they are. It is not about your age, it is about what you feel inside. Who cares?
TVGO: There's a nasty Internet rumor about you verbally berating someone on the street. What's up with that?
Kristen: Oh, that... I don't really want to comment on that. Someone from the show called me and said, "There is a nice little story about you on the Internet." I'm dealing with it and, for the moment, there is no comment.
TVGO: During the taxi ride interview, you still seemed to be campaigning for a job with Trump. Think you still have a chance?
Kristen: Do I think I could get a job with Trump? Hmm... I'm going to answer it this way: Do you think I want a job with Trump? I don't know if Mr. Trump could afford me now.
TVGO: Should Trump watch out for you?
Kristen: I would love to one day have Trump going, "What the hell kind of decision did I make? She friggin' rocks." He should absolutely watch out for me.