Big Brother 5
I never thought I'd feel this way, but I really miss Scott and Jase. At least they had personality (faux or not) and were funny. Now all that's left is a bunch of weepy paranoiacs playing head games. The only one left worth watching is Marvin, and after his last-minute shoutfest with the ousted Adria (aka The Plague), you know he has risen on the next-to-hit list. He's too strong a player to be allowed to get any closer to winning that dough. And considering that this is a "double-eviction week" and that Drew won HOH, he may be gone the next time I tune in.

The New Viagra Commercial
Usually, commercials for erectile-dysfunction medications go overboard with blatant symbolism to get their message across. (Remember the one with the guy trying to throw a football through a hanging tire?) But I gotta say that this classy and clever black-and-white ad featuring an attractive couple window-shopping won me over — especially when the tops of the V in Viagra doubled as little blue devil horns that appeared after the man spied a lingerie-clad mannequin.

World Poker Tour
As much as I might have complained about the monotony of watching two consecutive Celebrity Poker Showdown tournaments, I gotta say that CPS is far more entertaining than the series that spawned it. I tuned in to WPT because it was the only fresh programming available and because two of the players were Ben Affleck and Jon Favreau. The setup of the two shows are almost identical, but the production values of CPS are far superior. And when you're watching people play poker for two hours, bells and whistles are important. What was up with the dry ice? Where were the heckling audience members? Why were the players taking turns dealing hands? Who dressed poker ace Vince Van Patten? The only thing I found unique about WPT was the addition of the red card, which players can use once to consult two card sharps on a particularly perplexing hand. According to one of the commentators, Affleck dislikes this strategy because it would never fly in real poker competitions. But how awesome was it when Favs used it to fake everyone out when he flopped straight sixes? Now that's what I call a poker face!

Graham Norton Effect
Even in this reality-TV era of "I'll do anything (or in some cases, anyone) if money or screen time are involved," I still have a hard time believing some of the stuff Norton's guests are willing to admit to or do in front of a national audience. During the audience-participation segment at the beginning of tonight's show in which the host used a hand-held metal-detecting wand to determine where and what metal objects set off the studio's full-size detector, I couldn't decide whom I was more embarrassed for: the young woman with the can of feminine deodorant spray in her purse or the gal with the intimate piercing. Until the latter lady agreed to go backstage and allegedly photocopy said accessory, that is. FDS Girl won my vote because I suspect that this appearance will get her nowhere near as many lapdances, er, dates as Ms. Xerox. Although I gotta say, I sometimes wonder if these folks are actually paid actors, because while it's fully possible that one might carry around potentially mortifying items in one's purse, why would you bring it with you to the Graham Norton Effect? I suppose that one could argue that the gal with the piercing never dreamed that her oh-so-intimate jewelry would be discovered, but who would agree to have a picture of it displayed on the JumboTron in Times Square?

Republican National Convention
At 10:10 pm, I thought President Bush was pulling a Courtney Love on us but he arrived only fashionably late. Standing amid the crowd atop a dais that looked like a stack of Oval Office coasters, our Commander in Chief addressed the enraptured crowd for an hour, bringing people to their feet time and time again. (Convention organizers should consider marketing this speech as a workout tape, calling it GOP — Glutes of Platinum.) Needless to say, this column is about TV and not politics, so I'm not going to comment on the president's speech other than to say it was compelling viewing. See you at the polls on Nov. 2.

Quote of the Night
"I'm a closet something, too." — The Tonight Show's Ross, in response to a New York City tourist's admission that she's a closet Democrat.