On the first Bachelor in Paradise without some kind of scandal-related event hanging over it, Dean finally hit bottom. Bachelor Nation's former sweetheart's love triangle fell apart. The kid has no idea what he's doing. He seems genuinely unable to control himself. "Dean is being the ultimate f---boy," Dominique said.
The episode started with Dean realizing that Kristina watched him make out with D-Lo in the pool the night before. He felt bad about being such a callous dingbat. "All of the blame is falling on me for being a moron," he said. He blamed his brain, but his brain ain't really the body part getting him in trouble.
They had one of their signature tense conversations where she was mad and he didn't really apologize and just dug his dopey hole deeper. "In that moment I didn't know you were there," he told her. Good cover, dude. "I haven't figured out what I want," he said, as if he the decision wasn't going to be made for him if he kept doing this. It was so disrespectful to Kristina. I would never treat you like that, Kristina. DM me.
She kissed him to dismiss him like she was Michael Corleone marking Fredo for death. It ruled.
I feel like Kristina just gave Dean the kiss of death #BachelorinParadise— Emily Kaplan (@PinaKolada922) September 5, 2017
Dean almost looked good when Whaboom-hater Blake showed up and set his sights on her. "When I was in the orphanage, all I wanted was to be picked. Today, I don't want to be picked," she said, which is the funniest thing she's said on the show.
Later in the episode, D-Lo acknowledged her part in the love triangle for the first time. She said that she liked Dean a lot, but his relationship with Kristina was complicating things. She put resolving the situation on Dean, unless he can't make decision, then she'll make a decision for him. But he told her that he wanted to pursue her and that he was going to end things with Kristina. He went over and told Kristina, and she was almost as mad at D-Lo as she was at Dean.
She went over to talk to Raven about what happened, and Raven told her that she couldn't blame D-Lo. She was right, but Kristina didn't want to hear it, and they fought (don't worry, they patched it up by the time the rose ceremony came around — Kristina hugged Raven and told her "thank you for everything"). Eh, D-Lo bears like 10 percent of the blame. It's not a great idea to knowingly get in a relationship with someone who is embroiled with someone else. Then Kristina went over to bar, and Wells asked her "why are you fighting for someone who is not fighting for you?" That helped her make her decision.
During the rose ceremony, when it was her turn, she gave a speech about how in her next relationship, she wants to be valued (I know someone who will value you, Kristina). She said she was not going to give out her rose and was leaving. Dean walked her out. He hugged her goodbye and said "I hate myself." Whatever, dude. D-Lo will help you feel better.
For the second season in a row, Kristina is too good. Bachelor Nation loves her.
I want to skip the Bachelor, go straight to the Bachelorette, and I want Kristina to be the Bachelorette. #bachelorinparadise— not Madi (@LMAOXOXOXOX) September 5, 2017
KRISTINA,— Sarah (@ohh_SNAP) September 5, 2017
Never let anyone treat you like a Michelle. You are a Beyoncé. Don't settle for a Dean #BachelorInParadise
I wanna be like Kristina #BachelorInParadise— Nicci (@doppelrainbow) September 5, 2017
Raven shared a nice message for Kristina and any woman in a similar situation.
Kristina rules, Dean the Dog drools.
After the episode aired, Dean posted a photo on Instagram of himself kissing Kristina on the head with the caption "you were out of my league." It's unclear when it was taken or what Dean was trying to accomplish. From what Kristina said in response to Raven's tweet, it doesn't seem like it was recently. It's geotagged to Lexington, Ky., Schulman's hometown, where they visited during the production shutdown, so maybe it was taken then, in happier times.
Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.