Ariana Grande Issues Video Apology for #DoughnutGate, Still Doesn't Explain Doughnut-Licking

Watch out, people! Ariana Grande is trying to pull a fast one on us.

The pop star issued yet another apology - this time in the form of a YouTube video - over the fiasco best known as #DoughnutGate. Grande once again addressed her "I hate America" comments and even apologized for trying to blame her actions on the obesity crisis. But not once in the four-minute video does Grande ever mention why in God's name she, as police described, "maliciously licked" a selection of innocent, unsuspecting doughnuts.

Does she think we've forgotten? Does she think she can distract us from the real issue at hand?

"I wanted to make a video to apologize again for the whole doughnut fiasco and craziness, because I feel like the apology that I posted, I kind of missed my opportunity to actually sincerely apologize and express how I was feeling because I was too busy preaching about my issues with the food industry, which is not, I feel like, relative. I feel like I could have expressed myself in a different way," Grande said in the video. "So here I am, apologizing again. I was trying to get you to understand where I was coming from when I said what I said. But that's not important and I'd rather just apologize.

Police are investigating Ariana Grande's doughnut-licking video

"I've actually never been prouder to be American, to be honest, with the advances that we've made in the past couple of months and all the wonderful progressive things that have been going on. I've never been prouder actually," Grande continued. "So here I am apologizing to y'all, puffy cheeks and all. Because I feel like seeing a video of yourself behaving poorly that you have no idea was taken is such a rude awakening that you don't know what to do. I was so disgusted with myself. I shoved my face in a pillow and wanted to disappear. But instead of that, I'm going to come forward and own up to what I did and take responsibility and say I'm sorry because I reacted in a way that I feel like wasn't necessarily to say the least. But also wasn't me at all."

Ariana Grande continued to make a bunch of noises with her mouth, all of which means nothing until she directly explains what compelled her to lick a bunch of doughnuts.

Watch her full apology below.