Brian McDowell's dreams of becoming Donald Trump's next PR lackey were flushed down the toilet — literally and figuratively — on last Thursday's Apprentice. As Net Worth's project manager on a preposterous motel renovation task, the street-smart 29-year-old was, er, canned for, among other things, wasting a chunk of his $20,000 budget on 14 brand-new johns. Clearly, this self-made millionaire wasn't thinking with his, um, head. And seeing as I've exhausted all of my toilet slang, let's cut to the Q&A.

TV Guide Online: A lot of accusations were hurled at you Thursday night, but none more damning than when John said, "Brian, you really screwed the poodle." First off, I don't even remember seeing a poodle.
Brian McDowell:
There wasn't one.

TVGO: What a horrible, disgusting thing to say.
Brian:
I think that John was making an assumption that... I don't know what he meant by that.

TVGO: So, just to set the record straight: You didn't actually screw any poodles.
Brian:
No, not at all. [Pauses] Are you trying to be funny?

TVGO: Kinda-sorta, yeah.
Brian:
Oh, OK. [Laughs uncomfortably]

TVGO: Moving on... Much was made of your decision to purchase 14 toilets. I'm actually about to buy a new one. Any advice?
Brian:
I would just go to Home Depot and get a Koehler high-efficiency model with a low-sounding flush.

TVGO: Thanks! Your bio says you like to perform magic tricks in your spare time. Which of your teammates would you like to make disappear?
Brian:
Without a doubt, Kristen. I'm a firm believer that if you have a leader, you don't question the leader.

TVGO: Can you shed any light on where exactly Verna was going? Henry's Playland to play skee ball, perhaps?
Brian:
During the task I had no idea what was going on with the other team. I had no idea Verna had even walked off.

TVGO: I hear you came up with the idea for glow-in-the-dark necklaces. True?
Brian:
I didn't actually come up with them. The glow-in-the-dark necklaces were invented by the government back in the late '60s, but nobody ever branded the product. So I came along and trademarked the name and put together a fancy website and it took off.

TVGO: Are they still big?
Brian:
They're not. [NBC] put so much emphasis on these glow lights [in my bio]. Yes, I made a lot of money from them, but it's a novelty item. They were big in the late '90s and then it started to fizzle off. Since then I've come out with the Mardi Gras beads. I'm one of the first companies to import the Mardi Gras shamrock beads. I also own a porcelain doll collection. I go with the fads.

TVGO: You think the Smurfs are primed for a comeback?
Brian:
The what?

TVGO: The Smurfs.
Brian:
Actually, I think they are. The Smurfs, My Little Pony... The Care Bears were out in 1987 and — boom! — now they're back again.

TVGO: You mentioned on the Today show that you're trying to get hold of Super Bowl tickets. Any luck?
Brian:
I'm still working on it. It's not so much the tickets. I mean, s--t, I can buy the tickets tomorrow. It's the parties I want to get into.

TVGO: Well, you're a big star now...
Brian:
Everyone keeps saying that, so I gotta check my e-mail. Got any connections you can hook me up with?

TVGO: No, but if I hear anything I won't let you know.
Brian:
Sounds good, Mike. Thanks!