Some say that the reason to watch NASCAR is for the potential crashes. If you watch America's Got Talent using the same principle, it must have been greatly satisfying to see Tim "Kinetic King" Fort. He introduced himself as "the greatest creator of chain reactions gadgets and exploding objects in the 17 known universes," but created nothing but a mess during his semifinal audition. His domino design of sticks and various other objects that took a whopping 36 hours to set up failed to ignite properly and the chain proved nonreactive. Watch the sadness below... if you can stomach it.
Also on Tuesday's show, crossbow comedian Frank Miles had a complicated design of his own. ("I fire at the first crossbow, it fires at the second, which fires at the third, and so on. And the final crossbow fires directly back at me ... and it shoots this jelly donut off my head.") He, too, failed, but not as embarrassingly as the Kinetic King. The utterly inexplicable Sam B continued to win over the hearts of Sharon Osbourne and Howie Mandel with his sub-Jersey Shore fist-pumps, Paula Abdul-esque extended arm flailing and miscellaneous tomfoolery. He was utterly gleeful to be called a "guilty pleasure."
And finally, would-be tween sensation Avery and the Calico Hearts performed. They make the Chipettes seem three-dimensional better than any CGI. They performed Stevie Wonder's "I Wish," and it's always interesting to see how white people handle the opening line: "Looking back on when I was a little nappy-headed boy." Celine Dion just sings it verbatim, probably hoping that no one can understand what she's saying, anyway, while Avery & Co. changed the line to, "Looking back on when I was a little girl all filled with joy." It's still inaccurate (they need not look back but at their own boisterous routine to see what they're describing) but it's far more graceful than we'd normally expect from aspiring child stars.
Watch the Kinetic King's botched performance: