America's Next Top Model
After glimpsing the many fears and neuroses of the final three — Shandi, Mercedes and Yoanna — I couldn't really root against any of 'em. Though somehow, I just knew Shandi wouldn't win. Not because I'm holding her constant weeping or her two-timing or her trashy candy-store robbing past against her. Oh, no, I am not one to judge. Shandi just wasn't confident enough, was she?

It had to be Yoanna and Mercedes in the final runway showdown. And what a fabulously apropos way to wrap this second season. They were both fierce. Though I gotta say, despite Yoanna's spookily symmetrical features, I was with Janice Dickinson all the way: I really hoped Mercedes would win! I knew she wouldn't, but I wanted this spunky spitfire to emerge victorious. (By the way, how many times did girlfriend refer to Yo as a "bitch" in this episode? I lost count.) Mercedes wanted it so badly. She strutted down that runway like the J.Lo of modeling, worked hard despite her health issues with lupus and she transformed from cute to hot so impressively. I'm cussing up a storm right now, along with her relatives at home. Tyra, you &*#^!

FYI: I'm interviewing Top Model's final trio today. Got questions for Yoanna or runners-up Shandi and Mercedes? E-mail them to me at PartyBoy@TVGuide.com.

Old Navy 10th anniversary commercial
Thanks to obvious surgical face work and great lighting, Morgan Fairchild's a fabulous looking fiftysomething in this ad. Same goes for Joan Collins. Although Joan tested my patience when she said: "With Old Navy, dahling, looking this good is a piece of cake." Gimme a break. The woman is wearing an evening gown that looks like something Nolan Miller designed for her on Dynasty! Speaking of which, I'm depressed watching Fairchild and Collins reduced to hawking bargain casual wear. These two glamour-pusses belong catfighting on a lavish prime-time soap. But this isn't the saddest Old Navy-related news of the night...

American Idol
What's more cringeworthy than country line-dancing lessons and Camile Velasco incompetently warbling "Desperado"? The Idol finalists being forced to do a happy-clappy Old Navy ad with Steven Cojocaru, right in the middle of the show. I don't know about you, kids, but I've officially reached my Cojo Saturation Point. He needs to go away. Seriously, he's not cute anymore. He's freaky, he's frightening, he's ridiculous and he's everywhere. I'm over it.

As for the competition, I think the best singers are still LaToya London and Diana DeGarmo. Although lemme give props to Amy Adams for singing my mom's fave song, "Sin Wagon" by the Dixie Chicks. Cute!

Whoopi
The Whoopster took on the sensitive issue of gay marriage smartly and funnily. It's not easy for most sitcoms to do either one. Whoopi Goldberg — who's clearly in support of same-sex matrimony — slipped in some clever and well-reasoned points in favor of it, but without sounding too preachy. Her Mavis Rae just sounded like a sensible person with a brain and a heart. The final song — "Don't Hide Love" — really said it all. Whoopi also gets props for the Bush jokes. Unfortunately, TV Guide is a family publication, so if you missed those giggle-inducing presidential zingers, I can't exactly 'splain 'em to you.

The Shield
Good gracious! This week's episode was too dirty. It's all very "Oooh, did we shock you?" Of course, that's what will happen when the cops on The Shield crack down on prostitution. Now, rather than calling a sex worker a "ho," I personally prefer to say "lady of situations" — that's T.S. Eliot's gentler euphemism from his famous 1922 poem, The Waste Land. But that's just the English major in me. There was little room for such gentility in this story line...

Newly empowered as boss of the Decoy Squad and Vic's Strike Team, Det. Claudette Wyms sent 'em all out to bust as many pimps, johns and hookers as possible. The truly over-the-top part was the boys' excitement at receiving permission to show prostitutes their nether regions on the job. Apparently, out on the streets, "ladies of situations" can tell a decoy cop from a real customer by asking him to show his, er, goods. If he refuses to unzip, she knows he's a copper. Worse yet, didja see that hooker offer to show the cop her badge — then lift up her skirt? And she was going commando, of course. Vic and the guys may have loved the view but, even blurred out, that was more than I needed to see! Hey, I'm not knocking Shield's gritty (if gratuitous) attempts to create realism. But there's something to be said for leaving a little to the imagination.

And, by the way, I can't believe Shane wants to marry his "oops-I'm-pregnant" real-estate saleslady girlfriend, Mara. She's a mess! Given Mara got off on a bad footing with Vic, I'm thinking she'll end up nosing around where she shouldn't, and get whacked someday. How long will Vic let Shane screw up before he finally turns on his pal? That's one of the dramatic tensions that keeps me tuning in.

NYPD Blue
Wow, Medavoy got some action with that randy senior citizen! And we were spared a moon shot of Gordon Clapp's backside, which the show had earlier threatened to "treat" us all to. I watched the hilarious sex scene through my fingers, just in case, but no tush was visible. See? The fallout from Janet Jackson's Boobygate scandal wasn't all bad.