American Inventor
"Guys, get this! I invented this show that will totally blow your socks off! What? You're not wearing socks or something?" That was me about three months ago when I found out that my idea for a new show was already taken. Damn you, Simon Cowell, damn you! However, I do like the show. Even if I'm not sure how we Americans will do the actual voting. And speaking of Americans, and shows with "American" in the title, what's with all the Brits? First Simon and now

Peter Jones? OK, so the Brits invented the invention show. I'm over it. Another judge is Doug Hall. He's my favorite, he's possibly Canadian, and he honestly seems like the most qualified for the job. But for the love of the spork, if they keep saying that every home has 18 of his inventions in it, they'd better start telling us what some of them are. I haven't decided on Ed Evangelista yet, though I think I like him.

Now to the good stuff. I really didn't expect something so similar to American Idol except sadder. If somebody can't sing, so what? If they poured 20 grand into a stupid idea, you feel real bad for laughing. That poor lady with the Beddie Pouch  at least Doug could have complimented her while telling her he already had one on his bed. It was a good idea. But like I said, he's my favorite, and it's because he doesn't get caught up in the performances, he's all about the product. It's why I'm not a huge fan of Idol: seems like a popularity contest rather than a singing contest. Well, on this show there's really no way for that to happen. They didn't even pick the kid. Man I liked him. But Mary Lou Quinlan, dubbed "the Oprah of marketing" by the Wall Street Journal, is proving to be a good judge... of bad inventions. You can tell what her answers gonna be right away. The kid was way cool, but she was right, you don't leave a dog in a car, even if you did invent a doggie air conditioner. So she said yes anyway. Lame. She also called Doug an a--hole, which was hilarious. She's annoying. I love how these people are so uninhibited all of a sudden: They are cursing and swearing and carrying on. They have their reasons, except the guy who made the pee bag, and the one responsible for the "Walking Buddy," which really was just a stick. We all think we can sing, or at least know what good singing sounds like, but on this show, your brain is your voice, and so far the songs really aren't that great.