Michael Imperioli and James Gandolfini by Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com Michael Imperioli and James Gandolfini by Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com

Or for those who care to liken my headlines to a high-school newspaper: "Jessica Alba Gets Plow'd." The Fantastic Four's Invisible Woman may be making her first appearance on the Great White Way. According to the New York Post, though she possesses zero/zilch stage experience, Alba is being wooed to star in a spring 2008 revival of David Mamet's Speed the Plow. Alba's prospective role, Karen the secretary, last was inhabited (and not very well) by another Broadway baby, Madonna, back in '88.

The Sopranos' James Gandolfini and Michael Imperioli are said to be on the producers' wish list for the two male leads.