I have been to two consecutive ABC upfront presentations and both times Jimmy Kimmel has simply slayed the audience with wonderfully pointed barbs. You think I, you and any Tom/Dick/TVLoverHarry here can bring the snark when cracking on TV shows/personalities? Just watch a pro - and one in the business called show - do it.

Last year, Kimmel's set surfaced on YouTube, but until the same happens for his latest, a few choice sound bites (paraphrased a bit, seeing as I was too busy noshing on free popcorn to break out the Tandy recorder):

" "ABC has decided on an end date for Lost. And I hear CBS is doing the same thing for Katie Couric."

" "There are good shows that get bad ratings, bad shows that get good ratings... There's NCIS...." (I don't know what he meant exactly, but it was funny.)

" "Last year, we promised you a sitcom starring Mick Jagger. You knew we were bulls---ting, right? I mean... It's Mick Jagger."

" Regarding the big news in TV this week: " Law & Order is going to cable... I think NBC is moving to cable even."

" About ABC's bold moves: "We put an amputee on Dancing with the Stars... We put Rosie in a cage with Elisabeth Hasselbeck just to see what would happen." And then saying that Rosie is leaving "to make herself eligible for the NFL draft."

You probably had to be there, and/or my paraphrasing is off. But if you laughed just once at the above, you tied the record set by nearly everyone at the ABC upfronts watching the Cavemen trailer. - Matt Webb Mitovich