We. Wuz. Robbed!! All week long, MTV's been feeding us promos of the big two-seasons-in-the-making Kristin-Lauren confab. And what did we get? Nuthin'. Bupkiss. A flyby that consisted of a few awkward glances and one unsurprising bailout by Steeephen. Damn, this should have been huge. The hugest. Instead, I'm all salty and hatin' on everyone. Except for the kids, because we love them. So I guess it's time for the "One Week Before the Commercial-Free Kiss Good-bye" survey!

1) Jason the Chronic Cheater: Good guy or self-destructive? And who were those chicks advising L.C.? They looked like a before-and-after of Ashlee Simpson's latest run-in with L'Oreal No. 36.
2) Um, when should we tell Talan that counseling J-Wahl on winning back his girl was gayer than Pepito the Wonder Chihuahua's cable-knit roll-neck sweater (which, FYI, is totally fetching with his bone structure).
3) Do we think Steeephen will finally realize he's a massive tool once he gets to L.A. and doesn't matter anymore?
4) Since when did "party" become six people sitting around drinking from red plastic cups and eating from takeout containers? That's a Tuesday night at TV Guide magazine, OK?
5) Who the hell do I have to talk to around here to get some more Lo? This is ridiculous. She's home from school, but I gotta look at Dieter?
6) Where did Lauren learn that girls with crappy guys should hope they're "worth changing for"? Even if she totally bounced J-Wahl after his apology, the girl needs to remember she is every woman. Obviously, she didn't read the column last week.
7) Did you preorder your copy of Laguna Beach: Life Inside the Bubble? Get on it, folks!
Bonus No.1: After filming stopped, do we hope that Poor Dumb Jessica got a) back together with that hot Jeff dude who Kristin hooked up with; b) back at Awful Alex M. for calling her a slut; or c) hooked on phonics?
Bonus No. 2: What are you wearing to next week's finale?