Here's my mini week-in-review, with a few pieces of prattle mixed in...

* It almost happened. Michael Vartan was thisclose to returning to TV. According to a fresh batch of intel from one of my APO moles, Vartan was in talks to join the cast of one my five current favorite shows. But sadly, the deal fell through.

* Just weeks after Oprah revealed that she had never heard of a little thing called the Kinsey Scale (WTF?), Gayle's BFF confessed on yesterday's Oprah that she wasn't aware that an HIV-positive person could be re-infected with a different strain of the virus (double WTF?). I seriously hope this whole dumb act is just her attempt to appear more relatable to the average viewer.

* In related news, The View needs to put Elisabeth Hasselbeck out of her freakin' misery. I have to shield my eyes from the TV whenever she opens her mouth - especially when the topic turns to politics. It's not her stance on the issues that I have a problem with (OK, maybe that's part of it), it's the difficulty she has expressing her views that causes me to break out in a cold sweat. And as an interviewer, she ranks somewhere between Ann Curry and Jiminy Glick. I swear I thought she was having a seizure when she started grilling Josh Legend this week. Even Rosie looked mortified. Enough is enough.

* All of my video interviews from Monday's Fox fall party are now available on my brand new tvguide.com hub page. Warning: You may wanna throw on a scarf before watching the David Boreanaz and William Fichtner clips. They're a little, um, icy.

* Nothing against the transcendent America Ferrera, but the real star of last night's Ugly Betty was the episode's director, Rodman Flender. Have you seen more creative scene-to-scene transitions in your life?

* Scrubs is returning Nov. 30! Yippee! It's airing opposite Grey's Anatomy, The O.C., CSI and Supernatural! Mwaaaaa!

* As you know, Wayne Brady has been cast as Barney's brother on How I Met Your Mother. What you may not know is that there's a hugely hysterical twist in store that has nothing to do with the character's skin color.

* Isaiah Washington's mea culpa? Too little, too late, IMHO.