Question: Is it possible for you to translate what Martin Sheen said in the West Wing season finale episode airing May 16, 2001? He was alone in the church after the funeral mass and I believe he was speaking in Italian. Thank you for your help. — Melissa

Televisionary: Oh, for cryin' out loud, Melissa — you're dealing with a guy who flunked French in 10th grade and was slow-tracked in Hebrew school. You expect me to translate Latin?

Well, of course you do. As does my no-carrot, all-stick boss. From what I could gather, the speech was more of the English-language tongue lashing the President (Sheen) gave the person upstairs for allowing secretary Dolores Landingham to be killed by a drunk driver. He said the following: "Am I really to believe that these are the acts of a loving God? A just God? A wise God? To hell with your punishments. To hell with you.''

Those of you who watched know that he punctuated that little tirade with a lit cigarette to the cathedral floor. Talk about hitting a guy where it hurts.