Olympics: Women's Figure Skating
Forget about the Shani
-nigans of the speed-skating feud, Lindsey Jacobellis
' fall from grace and Bode
's disappointing body of work. Figure skating is the premiere event of the Winter Games, even without Jillian Barberie
and Todd Bridges
. And last night's free skate presented Sasha Cohen
with the chance to become America's next golden girl.
The night's memorable moments:
Kiira Korpi, Finland: Why do I have a feeling we'll be seeing this girl in Maxim sometime soon? In the words of Dick Button, "My goodness!" Extra hot points for skating to "Fever."
Yelena Sokolova, Russia: Redeems herself from Tuesday's short program, when she had a Chernobyl-size meltdown. Why is it that all Russian skaters and gymnasts look like '80s New Jersey mall chicks?
Liu Yan, China: Dick Button has officially gone nuts. He's chastising Yan for not having her skates properly laced. He's the skate Nazi. No medal for you!
Susanna Poykio, Finland: Seriously, Button is around the bend. He just said this women's soufflé went "un-souffléd." He just made up a word! I guess in a sport with lutzes and salchows you can do that.
Miki Ando, Japan: Falls attempting to land the first quadruple in Olympic history. Seems to like it: just keeps falling after that.
Emily Hughes, U.S.: Wearing her lucky blue and skating a solid performance, Emily just seems to be having more fun than anyone else.
Carolina Kostner, Italy: Sadly for the local girl, this was the worst Kostner-related performance since The Postman.
Sasha Cohen, U.S.: Skating to "Romeo and Juliet" proves appropriate, as Sasha's two early falls are a tragedy. She toughs it out and skates flawlessly after that, but it's too little, too late. She was lucky to land a silver medal.
Shizuka Arakawa, Japan: This ice princess was as cool as the other side of the pillow. She deserved the standing ovation she received following a flowing and graceful gold-medal performance. Also, her two-tone Mulan-looking outfit was the best ensemble of the night. (Least masculine sentence I've ever written, right there.)
Kimmie Meissner, U.S.: Between Cohen, Hughes and Meissner, you get the feeling that U.S. figure skating is in good hands, er, feet for years to come.
Irina Slutskaya, Russia: Irina's flamenco number is a little sloppy, and a fall drops her all the way to the bronze medal. I take back what I said about the Russians, Slutskaya doesn't look like a New Jersey mall chick. She looks like the mom of a New Jersey mall chick.
Well, that's enough figure skating for me until about, I don't know, 2010. See ya in Vancouver!