The Office

Deep down, didn't we all know there was a striking resemblance between Dwight Schrute and Benito Mussolini? The public-speaking skills, the love of grapes and bobbleheads... I don't know how I missed it before. Maybe it's my mood, but this week's new episode (finally!) left me feeling about 18 different kinds of heartbroken. There's the traditional Jim-Pam sort of achy-breaky, which manifests itself this time in Jim's plan to leave the country the weekend of Pam's wedding — and for a paper salesman from Scranton, that's the equivalent of joining the foreign legion. Then there's the ongoing freaky-yet-sweet muskrat love between Dwight and Angela — a passion so very strong that the most uptight employee at Dunder-Mifflin would sacrifice her perfect attendance record for the chance to videotape her Birkenstock buddy's moment in the spotlight. That sound you hear is my ticker simultaneously melting and shattering into a thousand tiny pieces. (But wait, there's more.) Michael drowning his sorrows at the hotel bar after being upstaged by his assistant to the regional manager? Hilariously devastating. Ryan shooting down Kelly's inane what-month-you-always-dreamed-of-getting-married talk? Just plain brutal. But it's Oscar who takes the cake, with quite possibly the most depressing statement I've ever heard: "I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat." When workplace climate-control is your raison d'être, it just might be time to run screaming from the building. Run, Oscar, run like the wind!

On a completely unrelated note, who caught Jenna Fischer on Conan after the episode? Two words: hubba hubba.