8:50: Seacrest jokes that the cast of Kid Nation is powering the "green" Emmys by running on treadmills backstage. Why isn't Larry Sanders hosting this?

8:51: Tony Bennett is singing now for some reason with Donatella Versace. Eek! Wait, no, that's Christina Aguilera doing a Paris Hilton impression (except vocally, thankfully).

8:52: The dancing looks slick when we can see it. (Hint, hint, cameramen.)

8:52:30 Is it really wise for a pregnant lady like Xtina to stand on top of a piano?

8:53: Is it really wise for anyone to wear that much bronzer? Easy, Christina. Easy.

8:54: Alec Baldwin presents a directing award to the guy who helmed last season's Tony Bennett special, without making any reference to his recent "troubles." This leaves me only to focus on how bloated he looks. At least now I get why Bennett performed.

8:55: Kiefer Sutherland and Ali Larter make a cute couple. And red is her color. But is it just me, or does she always seem a little stiff?

8:56: Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie goes to Robert Duvall. It's his first win, but he still takes time out to note that Kiefer is a fine horseman. Not sure of the relevance, but um, I'll go with it.

8:57: I'm surprised Duvall went for a gray tie rather than a black bowtie. He probably watches Entourage, too. Everybody's hipper than me.

8:57: "What a great actor he is," Seacrest says of Duvall. Powerful statement, that.

8:58: Ugh. Seacrest is feigning interest in a nudie pic of Vanessa Hudgens.