Kari Matchett: She's hot because...
: She's hot because she's an alien doctor, right? I don't know, the lady confounds me with hot-or-not-itude. Great casting, though, since we can't figure out what she is
either. I'm not above thinking that if she had gills, it could help. Of course, it would also help if she weren't married to Sheriff Shady. I could go on about all the girls on this show, but then I'd be falling for their trap — which is to keep us entertained while we forget about hurricanes. Which is fine, since my parents winter in Florida
. I wanted to say "winter" because it sounds cool, but adding "Florida
" kind of ruins it. Either way, we're tired of weather with names, and the drama is making me think about caring for some of these characters. But wait, before I get the chance to say "Jesse, don't go in that boat, which is on the water, and we all remember what happened last time," we see something. Not bad, 25 minutes into Episode 6 and we see the elusive Gummy Ray. I mean "alien." I think. Was that it? And do aliens really like "Dueling Banjos"? Come on Russ
, everybody knows that if you're in a boat down South, that simple tune means trouble — and isn't that what you were looking for? Well, don't yell at your son for humming next time. Aliens. Humaliens. Aquo Sapiens. Whatever you are Derek
, you're creepy, too. You deserved that attempted murder by a cop, but damn, you can breathe underwater, too.