January 24, 2007: It Wants What It Wants
Gather 'round children, and I will tell you a tale about a faraway place full of fantasy and adventure. Join me, won't you, in the land of Colie's Vagina; it's a magical place where dreams come true and anything is possible! But don't lose your way. The heavy self-delusion and obnoxious neediness in the air have trapped many a brave adventurer in the past. Now that we're here, though, I'm confident one day, MTV will take us out right?
Our story begins with Colie's boyfriend Corey, who's been mysteriously invisible up until now. But don't be fooled! He was here all along.
Shhh he still doesn't know Colie had sex with her new cast mate on national television less than 48 hours after they entered into their "open relationship," nor that Colie's calling her new crush Adam immediately after hanging up the phone with Corey.
Oh! Look over there. It's Alex, with whom Colie still shamelessly flirts, even though he humiliated her, insulted her friend to the point of hysterics and continues to show absolutely no interest in her presence or in anything that comes out of her mouth. What's he still doing here?
No one knows. Some say he's right in that Colie is so boy-crazy and emotionally dependent, she doesn't care what she says or how she behaves. And since Colie immediately reports to him anytime a male even speaks to her - no matter where he is, thinking he and the rest of the world don't see what she's doing - it looks like he's not going anywhere. What does fate have in store for him?
Meanwhile, back in Denver. OK, so I know Brooke was definitely exaggerating her "injury," but I have to say, I'm pretty much on the same page as her. The way she waved around that doctor's note, I've never seen her so happy. And that was totally me in P.E., grasping at any kind of ailment that could get me out of having to play flag football. So I don't really understand why the rest of the cast gets so angry when they see her walking around in heels and her wimpy cast. Brooke isn't seriously saying to her roommates that she's hurt or deserves any sympathy, and Jenn, Colie and Alex were the ones acting like this hiking trip was going to be fun for them. So why do they care if Brooke doesn't go? I would be relieved if I were going without her, since she would obviously have complained the whole time. And I
was relieved that I didn't have to watch a whole other episode about it.
But back in the land of Colie's Vagina, all is not well. The evil Outward Bound counselor, Chris, has screeched that Prince Adam is forever banished. But Colie's heart was pure, since she never even kissed her Prince Charming, right? And soon the terrible spell was broken, as Adam, astonishingly, quit his job to go on a date with her. You would think that since Colie said she was excited for Adam to see her not in unkempt, camping mode, she would wear a bra but no. And what's this? On just their first date, Adam seems to immediately regret his decision! He never once smiles or even says anything the entire time, and Colie matter-of-factly threatens to stalk him. Hmmm, well, a complete lack of interest won't stop Colie! Looks like not everyone will live happily ever after
this time.
