America's favorite night...
America's favorite night of schadenfreude is here: makeover day! And big shocker, self-proclaimed sociopath
Cassandra's getting her beloved tiara-holding locks chopped off and bleached to look like
Mia Farrow's in
Rosemary's Baby. Take that, Miss "I have a great natural beauty and I don't think I need to change a thing."
Tyra's getting deliciously mean in
Janice's absence. It actually looks pretty good — that is, in those few moments when Cassandra isn't all pinchy-faced and crying about it. It's almost as great as
Catie's meltdown in Cycle 2. Favorite makeovers: pretty blonde
Kyle as a sultry brunette,
Sarah's preppy bob and
Nik's nest of high-fashion blonde curls. Sorry,
Coryn still looks like a man, even sans cartoon eyebrows. I really didn't get
Jay's weird personality lessons, and I wish
James St. James had been the one to assign them ("You need to be more Ringling Bros. clown and not so Cirque du Soleil!"). Kids, this is the guy who wrote '90s club-culture exposé
Party Monster and was played by a very silly
Seth Green in the movie. Fashion tips from him are inherently better than from Mr. Jay Blanduel. Too bad he gave this week's most annoying player,
Lisa, more ammo for her drunken (I think?) know-it-all rambling. Damn, she does pose like a pro, though. Unlike
Ebony, who really has no idea what to do with her face in front of the camera, and, as I predicted, is no longer in the running. So sad. Who will be there to make fun of Cassandra in a confessional puppet show? (Will someone please remind me which previous cycle had puppets in the confessional?) And who will be there to call the girls things like "skeezers"? Someone else better step up, 'cause this show is
not all about the modeling.
