America's Next Top Model OK, I'm...

• Mar 16, 2006 04:00 AM ET
• by TV Guide News

America's Next Top Model
OK, I'm going to get all Tyra-psych and talk about what's underneath these model's mostly pretty skin, because tonight brings up a very good question: Just how self-aware are these girls? We have Furonda and her "tips for successful interaction," which seem to indicate that she's watched a whole lot of reality TV and is declaring herself the show's villain with the warning that she'll treat the others "identical to, or worse than" the way they treat her. Jade, on the other hand, thinks she's self-aware but is absolutely clueless. She thinks they cut and bleached her hair because she's too good and needs more of a challenge. She thinks she has serious problems because she didn't get hair extensions, and Wendy should get off the phone— I mean, really, how long can you talk to your family about being homeless and having your whole town destroyed, selfish Wendy? — so she can cry about this to her mom. She thinks she is not a crazy bitch, but rather a "soldier sister" and "humble inside."

Let's get back to the superficial stuff. At least when Jay of the very limited vocabulary (as opposed to J. of the hilarious Al Sharpton 'do) bestowed his declarations of "personal" style on the newly made-over ladies, they got to have a tiny bit of input. Even bald Nnenna's a flawless African queen. Sara mistakes "street chic" for "street walker." Kari looks more '70s Playboy bunny than '60s bohemian. Danielle was really rocking her long hair. Mollie Sue finally stands out with the Mia Farrow haircut. Brooke's blonder hair and Gina's so-called "edgy" cut don't do much for me. Joanie and Leslie didn't get much of a change, more like an upgrade. I'm sorry, I kind of have to agree with Nigel that Furonda looks like E.T. with a wig. I really liked Wendy's big Jennifer Beals hair, and I was starting to get what they saw in her just when the judges decided to give her the stiletto boot for looking too distracted in her photos. And by the way, what's with purposely making that set freezing and then Jay complaining when the girls looked "frozen"? Oh well, Wendy, at least you don't have to suffer through Jade's moaning and groaning anymore.