The Amazing Race
Whew! Two hours and 11 teams to discuss in my first crack at covering TAR — I think I need a bit of that Race fuel hippie boys B.J. and Tyler were running on. It's time to erase the awful memory of the way-less-than-Amazing family edition and fasten our seatbelts. And in the spirit of Sunday's Oscars, I'm going to hand out some awards here. The aforementioned shaggy duo get Best Narrators for naming "Barbie and Ken" (Monica and Joseph) and the "Double D's," for actually learning a few Portuguese phrases, and for coming up with the best metaphor for their pit-stop anxiety: "clawing at our teeth." They just barely beat out leg-wrestling "Glamazons" Lisa and Joni. I can't tell those two apart yet, but whoever said she'd like to "unsheathe her womanhood" and later announced that she was peeing in her pants just about had me peeing in mine — so I'll forgive them for ignorantly assuming Brazilians speak Spanish. Chauvinist Bad Husband of the Season goes to Lake, of course. And he can display that right next to his First Mistake Caused by Not Reading the Whole Clue gold medal, which he earned when he ordered wife/assistant Michelle to make the plane reservations by pay phone. Later he cemented his place on everyone's exotic-animal-excrement list by whispering to Michelle, "That black girl will outrun you." Well, that black girl, Yolanda, gets my special Most Tolerant prize after she so calmly endured the catcalls of the men at the mechanics shop. Dave and Lori get the Cutest Couple trophy, of course, for their frequent kisses and totally positive attitude. Fran and Barry get the Meredith and Gretchen Senior Underdog Award (let's hope having the Worst Clue-spotting Eyes doesn't do them in). Staten Island duo Danielle and Dani are the Team We'd Most Likely See Survive a Nonelimination Round (i.e., forced to go sans makeup, accessories and hand wipes). Their would-be suitors Eric and Jeremy surprised me as being More Likable Than You'd Think (bear with me, I'm getting tired). While the nerd in me is rooting for Dave and Lori, my Latina half wants to see smart cookies Wanda and Desiree go far for being the Healthiest Family Team. If it weren't for the shirts advertising their "MOJO," I really wouldn't remember Monica and Joseph, so they'll have to wait until next week for a label. Finally, John and Scott get the dubious honor of Best Loser Speech, and I'm so glad John got the "key to the door to the rest of my life" in a few short days. Excuse me while I go book a trip to Rio — I did not get to see enough of that Candomble ceremony.