Today's News: Our Take


PLAN B

In other Ashton Kutcher news, writer-director Cameron Crowe is talking to Lord of the Rings hottie Orlando Bloom about replacing that '70s Show star in his ensemble comedy Elizabethtown. Kutcher dropped out of the project due to "scheduling conflicts." He's so gonna regret that in a few years. read more

FriendsTonight's installment is...

Friends Tonight's installment is the first new episode since mid-November, but it was well worth the wait. What a truly happy coincidence that the Bings find out that they are going to get their baby within days of Courteney Cox Arquette's confirmation that she and hubby David are expecting their own bundle of joy later this year. Monica has always been my favorite Friend, and I couldn't hope for sunnier outlooks for her and the talented actress who brought her to life. That said, although Monica is the character pals tell me I'm the most like, I felt a special kinship with Joey, who was mortified when his date ate a fry from his plate ("Joey doesn't share food!"). Unfortunately, my situation is more complicated than Joey's because not only do I lament allowing samples from my own plate, but I'm also guilty of his date's sin of ordering a garden salad and then pilfering goodies from other diners' meals (because calories don't count when the food's not on the read more

Monty Python Star Returns

Terry Jones will forever be identified as a member of the outrageous British comedy troupe, Monty Python's Flying Circus. He's the man who delivered the magical line "Spam, spam, spam!" In recent years, Jones has become somewhat of an expert in medieval history and authored several books on the subject. But don't think the humorist has abandoned any of his silly sensibilities. Jones says that Python's surreal humor was often best played in a historically accurate setting, as in the films Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Life of Brian. His new History Channel series, Terry Jones' Medieval Lives, tells the true stories behind many of the iconic medieval myths of the past. Informative and witty, the show proves that, despite what your teachers might have said, you can laugh and learn.

TV Guide Online: Is this show a boring history lesson?
Jones:
Oh, no. V read more

INDY'S FREE!

Harrison Ford is finally free to make an honest woman out of Calista Flockhart. The actor's divorce from screenwriter Melissa Mathison became final on Tuesday. The pair separated in 2000 after 18 years of marriage. read more

Dorothy Lanier's Weir Science


Now that Comedy Central has gone crazy for Fox's Mad TV (airing classic episodes of the skitcom at 7:30 pm/ET every weekday but Monday), fans who learned only recently how deadly dull Saturday Night Live is by comparison can catch up on the show's former glories. Foremost among them: Dorothy Lanier, the self-absorbed D-lister played by kooky current cast member Stephnie Weir.

"She's my favorite character right now," the funny lady tells TV Guide Online, then goes on to explain the over-the-top starlet's origins. "In Chicago, they have these theater awards, which are like the Tonys. One of our writers and I were both performing in a theater that was nominated, and while we were [at the ceremony], there was an actress who won, and that's where it was kind of taken from."

OK, could that flashback be any more boring? Give us the deep dish, Steph — read more

PEACE OFFERING DENIED

The doctor accused of coercing former Beatle George Harrison into signing a guitar while on his deathbed offered Wednesday to donate the piece of memorabilia to charity. But a lawyer representing Harrison's estate rejected the olive branch, calling it nothing more than "spin." Harrison's wife and son are suing Dr. Gilbert Lederman for $10 million. read more

CASH AND CARREY

The nation's theater owners have named Jim Carrey the top box office draw of 2003. Nicole Kidman ranked second, followed by Jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts, Johnny Depp, Russell Crowe, Tom Hanks, Will Ferrell and Renee Zellweger. In related news, Fight On U.S.C.! Trojans are No. 1! read more

BRAVO!

Bravo has finally announced what we've all known for months: It will air the third season of Project Greenlight. New episodes begin airing in early 2005. In related news, Bravo has picked up Celebrity Poker for a second season. read more

NC-17 SHOO-IN?

Johnny Depp has signed on to play sex-crazed poet John Wilmot (aka Earl of Rochester) in the 17th century drama The Libertine. John Malkovich and Samantha Morton will costar in the sure-to-be-risqué pic, which begins shooting in London on Feb. 23 — which just happens to be my birthday! Yeah for me! read more

BEST FRIENDS

NBC is partnering with AOL to let viewers vote for their six favorite Friends episodes. From now until Feb. 1, fans can choose from 40 episodes via AOL Keyword Friends or AOL. The top six picks will air beginning March 4. I'm picking "The One in Barbados, Part 1" because that Ping-Pong match between Courteney Cox and Paul Rudd made me laugh so hard Diet Raspberry Snapple came shooting out of my nose. read more

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